This is just something that came back as a result for a quiz that I took on facebook last week and thought I would share it. Crazy because, I think it describes my biggest weakness very well.
You are often loved because of your outgoing and fun personality, and you like to give hugs and flirt, but underneath it all you are lacking heart. You find it hard to love others through all the walls you've built around your heart from being hurt so much throughout your life, but you want to love, you desperately want that fun, romance that you see in others, but you don't know if you can have it in your current circumstances. You want stability, but at the same time you need change. You go from one extreme to another and often feel overwhelmed when you can't figure out something. You think about your life often and how you can improve your character. You find it hard to settle, but you really want to. You just feel like you need to find that balance, that heart that you've been missing for so long. You need to love through the pain, but it's so hard. But the walls need to crumble for you to truly be you...
WOW CAN'T WAIT FOR COLORADO BECAUSE I KNOW I NEED CHANGE!!! =D
Monday, September 14, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Reforming/Velvet Elvis
So today, my friend Tyler and I had a conversation at Smoothie Factory. It was a really good convo we had. I mentioned the book Velvet Elvis that was given to me by a friend last summer, the summer of 2008. I read the first two chapters of it and stopped and I have not touched it since. Tonight, I started it from the beginning; Tyler said that he thinks I would really get a lot out of it and learn a lot if I take the time to read it thoroughly at this point in my life.
I am completely tired of trying to be reformed. It usually eventually leads me back to what I was doing before I wasn't reformed. I need to focus more on reforming, because when something is reformed, that's it, it is over. But when something is reforming, it is endless, the process continuously grows and the different aspects of this reforming can actually be revisited & rethought. I have realized that when one decides to try and be reformed, or renewed, it usually ends up being transient, because you are more focused on being reformed rather than reforming. It has come to my attention today that I have to embrace what ever will help me be more and more the person God really wants me to be. I need to fully be motivated about reforming my life rather than allow it to be reformed. This motivation basically needs to come from myself. All bullshit aside, I need to do it for myself and not constantly rely on the accountability of others, because these others will not always be there for me, these others are not endless people and also don't have endless time, generosity, or capabilities for me. When you rely on the accountability of someone else and then that person ends up not having the time or energy to handle it, then your left alone to dry up. That is why it needs to be just you and God and understand that God will never leave you there to dry up. When you stray away from God He will watch you waste your life away by the meaningless binge drinking and beer pong, but in the end, if you drop all that crap and just let go of what is really getting in the way of you and Jesus and seek Him NON STOP, no matter who is holding you accountable or not, then everything will work out, and your faith will not fade away. God's love is endless.
I typed a excerpt from Velvet Elvis to my friend Ryan today just to see hat he said because Ryan is VERY intelligent and insightful: "Christian faith is alive only when it is listening, morphing, innovating, letting go of whatever has gotten in the way of Jesusand embracing what ever will help us be more and more the people God wants us to be."
Ryan's personal response to that was phenomenal:
Ryan said, "Christian faith lives when one takes the advice given, the hours spent, the tears cried, and the late nights praying for friends who struggle, and then the person applies it to their life and the person lives differently.
Christian faith dies when people live like Jesus and his followers advice is something to agree with but nothing to apply and live by.
Christian faith dies when people think that a belief in Jesus alone is actually doing something for the Kingdom, instead of living different and challenge the wickedness of the world.----That's faith."
That definitly hit home for me, because I obviously knew what my friend Ryan was referring to, yet at the same time, I definitly felt a good amount of conviction in my heart.
I am "aware that this life is not the last painting" so I am going to start some reforming in Rudy's life rather then rely on being reformed, because as some of you know, every time I become reformed I skew it and there is no room for growth being reformed because when you're reformed that is it, it's final, so then you fall back on what you knew before you were reformed, and then it just turns into a cycle of a waste of time.
People always say that you never know what you got until it's gone. I heard today that you never know what you got until you throw it away.
P.S. If you haven't heard Fellowship Church's album "Closer to the Start" you should. It is phenomenal!! Thanks for that cd by the way Tyler!
"What do we do to love the world? Wake up wake up. The world is just right outside your door. You never know, you might have the love that they've been waiting for!"
I am completely tired of trying to be reformed. It usually eventually leads me back to what I was doing before I wasn't reformed. I need to focus more on reforming, because when something is reformed, that's it, it is over. But when something is reforming, it is endless, the process continuously grows and the different aspects of this reforming can actually be revisited & rethought. I have realized that when one decides to try and be reformed, or renewed, it usually ends up being transient, because you are more focused on being reformed rather than reforming. It has come to my attention today that I have to embrace what ever will help me be more and more the person God really wants me to be. I need to fully be motivated about reforming my life rather than allow it to be reformed. This motivation basically needs to come from myself. All bullshit aside, I need to do it for myself and not constantly rely on the accountability of others, because these others will not always be there for me, these others are not endless people and also don't have endless time, generosity, or capabilities for me. When you rely on the accountability of someone else and then that person ends up not having the time or energy to handle it, then your left alone to dry up. That is why it needs to be just you and God and understand that God will never leave you there to dry up. When you stray away from God He will watch you waste your life away by the meaningless binge drinking and beer pong, but in the end, if you drop all that crap and just let go of what is really getting in the way of you and Jesus and seek Him NON STOP, no matter who is holding you accountable or not, then everything will work out, and your faith will not fade away. God's love is endless.
I typed a excerpt from Velvet Elvis to my friend Ryan today just to see hat he said because Ryan is VERY intelligent and insightful: "Christian faith is alive only when it is listening, morphing, innovating, letting go of whatever has gotten in the way of Jesusand embracing what ever will help us be more and more the people God wants us to be."
Ryan's personal response to that was phenomenal:
Ryan said, "Christian faith lives when one takes the advice given, the hours spent, the tears cried, and the late nights praying for friends who struggle, and then the person applies it to their life and the person lives differently.
Christian faith dies when people live like Jesus and his followers advice is something to agree with but nothing to apply and live by.
Christian faith dies when people think that a belief in Jesus alone is actually doing something for the Kingdom, instead of living different and challenge the wickedness of the world.----That's faith."
That definitly hit home for me, because I obviously knew what my friend Ryan was referring to, yet at the same time, I definitly felt a good amount of conviction in my heart.
I am "aware that this life is not the last painting" so I am going to start some reforming in Rudy's life rather then rely on being reformed, because as some of you know, every time I become reformed I skew it and there is no room for growth being reformed because when you're reformed that is it, it's final, so then you fall back on what you knew before you were reformed, and then it just turns into a cycle of a waste of time.
People always say that you never know what you got until it's gone. I heard today that you never know what you got until you throw it away.
P.S. If you haven't heard Fellowship Church's album "Closer to the Start" you should. It is phenomenal!! Thanks for that cd by the way Tyler!
"What do we do to love the world? Wake up wake up. The world is just right outside your door. You never know, you might have the love that they've been waiting for!"
Thursday, June 25, 2009
I believe---a forward e-mail sent to me from a distant friend
A Birth Certificate shows that we were born
A Death Certificate shows that we died
Pictures show that we lived!
I Believe...
That just because two people argue,
It doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue,
It doesn't mean they do love each other.
I Believe...
That we don't have to change friends if
We understand that friends change.
I Believe....
That no matter how good a friend is,
They're going to hurt you every once in a while
And you MUST forgive them for that.
I Believe...
That true friendship continues to grow,
Even over the longest distance.
I Believe......
That you can do something in an instant
That will give you heartache for life.
I Believe... That you should always leave loved ones with
Loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I Believe....
That you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I Believe...
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done,
Regardless of the consequences.
I Believe....
That my best friend and I,
Can do anything, or nothing and have the best time.
I Believe....
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down,
Will be the ones to help you get back up.
I Believe...
That sometimes when I'm angry,
I have the right to be angry,
But that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I Believe....
That maturity has more to do with
What types of experiences you've had
And what you've learned from them
And less to do with
How many birthdays you've celebrated.
I Believe.....
That it isn't always enough,
To be forgiven by others.
Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I Believe...
That no matter how bad your heart is broken,
the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I Believe...
That our background and circumstances
May have influenced who we are,
But, we are responsible for who we become.
I Believe...
That you shouldn't be so eager to find
Out a secret. It could change your life Forever.
I Believe....
Two people can look at the exact same
Thing and see something totally different.
I Believe...
That your life can be changed in a matter of
Hours by people who don't even know you.
I Believe...
That even when you think you have no more to give,
When A friend cries out to you -
You will find the strength to help.
I Believe...
That credentials on the wall
Do not make you a decent human being.
I Believe...
That the people you care about most in life
Are taken from you too soon.
A Death Certificate shows that we died
Pictures show that we lived!
I Believe...
That just because two people argue,
It doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue,
It doesn't mean they do love each other.
I Believe...
That we don't have to change friends if
We understand that friends change.
I Believe....
That no matter how good a friend is,
They're going to hurt you every once in a while
And you MUST forgive them for that.
I Believe...
That true friendship continues to grow,
Even over the longest distance.
I Believe......
That you can do something in an instant
That will give you heartache for life.
I Believe... That you should always leave loved ones with
Loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I Believe....
That you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I Believe...
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done,
Regardless of the consequences.
I Believe....
That my best friend and I,
Can do anything, or nothing and have the best time.
I Believe....
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down,
Will be the ones to help you get back up.
I Believe...
That sometimes when I'm angry,
I have the right to be angry,
But that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I Believe....
That maturity has more to do with
What types of experiences you've had
And what you've learned from them
And less to do with
How many birthdays you've celebrated.
I Believe.....
That it isn't always enough,
To be forgiven by others.
Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I Believe...
That no matter how bad your heart is broken,
the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I Believe...
That our background and circumstances
May have influenced who we are,
But, we are responsible for who we become.
I Believe...
That you shouldn't be so eager to find
Out a secret. It could change your life Forever.
I Believe....
Two people can look at the exact same
Thing and see something totally different.
I Believe...
That your life can be changed in a matter of
Hours by people who don't even know you.
I Believe...
That even when you think you have no more to give,
When A friend cries out to you -
You will find the strength to help.
I Believe...
That credentials on the wall
Do not make you a decent human being.
I Believe...
That the people you care about most in life
Are taken from you too soon.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
WOW---Mark 12:29
So today I had a couple of pretty phenomenal conversations. At two different times, I met up with 2 friends of mine. A lot was said, and I enjoyed the company of these two friends. I realized something from today. MARK 12:29. This verse is by far one of the most amazing verses I have ever come across. Ironically I came across it today. Mark 12:29-31 states, "'The most important one,' answered Jesus, 'is this: Hear O Isreal, the Lord your God, The Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this, Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.'"
I love how in my bible, and I'm sure it's in most of the NIV version bibles, that right before this verse the subtitle reads "The Greatest Commandment." Before verse 29, a teacher is asking Jesus what is the greatest commandment of them all. Jesus replies with verse 29-31. How beautiful is that?! When people talk about the 7 deadly sins, yes they are deadly and yes they will lead you completly astray from God, but the deadliest sin of all, I believe, is when one cannot expose God's love to all, when one doesn't obey the greatest commandment!
It struck me that this IS Jesus, this IS the way we should be living for God. What is more important than loving God with our all, with the entity of our lives?! What is more important than loving our neighbor as ourselves?
Let me take a step back here. If we can't love ourselves, then how are we loving God? And in essence how are we going to be able to expose God's love to the people around us if we can't expose God's love to our own hearts?
Is this great and most important commandment "our religion?" Is the greatest commandment "christianity?" Is this commandment supposed to be the entity of our lives and how we live for God? I think many are missing it. Many people are too focused on the "rules and regulations" of chrisitianity, and it's SO MUCH MORE! Mark 12:29 says this is the most important. It is SO MUCH MORE. Who gives a SHIT if someone cusses, is this really making God angry? What if we say this, yet we are fulfilling God's greatest commandment, we are fulfilling living for God, the way Jesus said it should be! Quite frankly, I don't think that Jesus would give a shit if his followers cuss, maybe if we were being negative about it. Society, the world, is who says "shit" is bad. Oh don't get me wrong, trust me, I still believe what I stated in my blog about cussing, but ultimately what really matters is God's love. I'm not too concerned with a follower of Jesus looking down on me for saying a cuss word and trying to give me advice about cussing, because the only applause I look for is God's and as long as I am fulfilling His will, loving, I know He smiles down at me! His concern is not if people say words that have been foolishly created by the world. It is the bigger picture that is looked at by Him! I believe that Jesus was trying to get across the distinct point of love. It's not about what religion you claim or what denomination you claim to be a part of. I believe this, Mark 12:29, is "the religion" that everyone is ultimately seeking and should seek! Don Miller states in Blue Like Jazz, "sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way." Don also states to "remember that God never witheld love from [us] to teach [us] a lesson." When we watch the way others love, others loving their neighbor as they are, we come to understand how love truly is; We come to understand God's love. It's as if they are showing the people around them the way. Love is important in this world and it is obvious that God doesn't withold love from us, because He wants us to realize how powerful love really is, and how much it matters. So we must not live witholding love from people, we must pour it on lavishly so that others may understand love, so that others may understand the love God has for us! What better feeling than this kind of love?!
Living for God is ultimately loving God with our all and understand that He is one, but wait, there's more!!!! The relationship with God is loving others, reaching out to others as they are! Our neighbor is the people around us! The person at the register of a store; the person ringing up your order at a coffee shop; the person you are driving next to; the person you are hanging out with; the friend who only wants to hang out when there is a party; the friend who is closest to us; the sister or brother that you have; the parents that you live with: These are all our neighbors--We must love these people passionately, just as Jesus loves us passionately. Believe it, it's truth! =D
These conversations I had today glorified God--I know this! I mean now that I completely love myself and know that my heart is right, I am able to expose this love God has for humanity to all! I am able to catch up with old friends, I am able to mend broken relationships, I am able to talk to friends who I havn't talked to in years because of bitterness I held for far too long and am able to ask for their forgiveness, I am able to have a thirty minute conversation with two employees of a coffee shop before closing time because God has made time, I am able to love my neighbor, I am able to love the Lord my God with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength. This ALL exemplifies love, which is the way we live for God! This is what it's all about and I truly believe it, I believe it with a burning passion! So if you ask me now what religion or denomination I am, here is my answer: it is simply Mark 12:29, it is simply Jesus, it is simply love!
My GOD is BIG. My GOD is POWERFUL. My GOD is going to move my life in ways I never believed possible! My God can do this for all who ask and cry out to Him! As simple as this sounds, I love my God!
Live it, Mark 12:29-31!
I love how in my bible, and I'm sure it's in most of the NIV version bibles, that right before this verse the subtitle reads "The Greatest Commandment." Before verse 29, a teacher is asking Jesus what is the greatest commandment of them all. Jesus replies with verse 29-31. How beautiful is that?! When people talk about the 7 deadly sins, yes they are deadly and yes they will lead you completly astray from God, but the deadliest sin of all, I believe, is when one cannot expose God's love to all, when one doesn't obey the greatest commandment!
It struck me that this IS Jesus, this IS the way we should be living for God. What is more important than loving God with our all, with the entity of our lives?! What is more important than loving our neighbor as ourselves?
Let me take a step back here. If we can't love ourselves, then how are we loving God? And in essence how are we going to be able to expose God's love to the people around us if we can't expose God's love to our own hearts?
Is this great and most important commandment "our religion?" Is the greatest commandment "christianity?" Is this commandment supposed to be the entity of our lives and how we live for God? I think many are missing it. Many people are too focused on the "rules and regulations" of chrisitianity, and it's SO MUCH MORE! Mark 12:29 says this is the most important. It is SO MUCH MORE. Who gives a SHIT if someone cusses, is this really making God angry? What if we say this, yet we are fulfilling God's greatest commandment, we are fulfilling living for God, the way Jesus said it should be! Quite frankly, I don't think that Jesus would give a shit if his followers cuss, maybe if we were being negative about it. Society, the world, is who says "shit" is bad. Oh don't get me wrong, trust me, I still believe what I stated in my blog about cussing, but ultimately what really matters is God's love. I'm not too concerned with a follower of Jesus looking down on me for saying a cuss word and trying to give me advice about cussing, because the only applause I look for is God's and as long as I am fulfilling His will, loving, I know He smiles down at me! His concern is not if people say words that have been foolishly created by the world. It is the bigger picture that is looked at by Him! I believe that Jesus was trying to get across the distinct point of love. It's not about what religion you claim or what denomination you claim to be a part of. I believe this, Mark 12:29, is "the religion" that everyone is ultimately seeking and should seek! Don Miller states in Blue Like Jazz, "sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way." Don also states to "remember that God never witheld love from [us] to teach [us] a lesson." When we watch the way others love, others loving their neighbor as they are, we come to understand how love truly is; We come to understand God's love. It's as if they are showing the people around them the way. Love is important in this world and it is obvious that God doesn't withold love from us, because He wants us to realize how powerful love really is, and how much it matters. So we must not live witholding love from people, we must pour it on lavishly so that others may understand love, so that others may understand the love God has for us! What better feeling than this kind of love?!
Living for God is ultimately loving God with our all and understand that He is one, but wait, there's more!!!! The relationship with God is loving others, reaching out to others as they are! Our neighbor is the people around us! The person at the register of a store; the person ringing up your order at a coffee shop; the person you are driving next to; the person you are hanging out with; the friend who only wants to hang out when there is a party; the friend who is closest to us; the sister or brother that you have; the parents that you live with: These are all our neighbors--We must love these people passionately, just as Jesus loves us passionately. Believe it, it's truth! =D
These conversations I had today glorified God--I know this! I mean now that I completely love myself and know that my heart is right, I am able to expose this love God has for humanity to all! I am able to catch up with old friends, I am able to mend broken relationships, I am able to talk to friends who I havn't talked to in years because of bitterness I held for far too long and am able to ask for their forgiveness, I am able to have a thirty minute conversation with two employees of a coffee shop before closing time because God has made time, I am able to love my neighbor, I am able to love the Lord my God with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength. This ALL exemplifies love, which is the way we live for God! This is what it's all about and I truly believe it, I believe it with a burning passion! So if you ask me now what religion or denomination I am, here is my answer: it is simply Mark 12:29, it is simply Jesus, it is simply love!
My GOD is BIG. My GOD is POWERFUL. My GOD is going to move my life in ways I never believed possible! My God can do this for all who ask and cry out to Him! As simple as this sounds, I love my God!
Live it, Mark 12:29-31!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
My Book
When I said I think I am going to write a book a week back, I was somewhat serious, but wasn't sure if I was really down for doing that. I really feel God calling me to write this book. I already have a title for this book. It started off as something I was going to blog about, and it turned out 8 pages long on Word, I think that is the start of this book I am planning to write. Pray that God will really speak through me! My best friend David told me that I should go for it, and don't let fear take over, because I have a lot to say, and, well, basically he thinks I would get to people. I think God wants me to get to people in this certain aspect.
But I think about certain things when ever I think about continuing this process, such as, how open should I be? how honest should I be? what details should I include? what thoughts should I include? should I be mentioning the real names of the people I am referring to? will people look down on me about anything I say?
I pray about these things too too, but I think God will just continue to speak through me. In a way I am worried about what people will say I guess, but I know that the only applause I need is God's applause.
I will let my words be His words.
But I think about certain things when ever I think about continuing this process, such as, how open should I be? how honest should I be? what details should I include? what thoughts should I include? should I be mentioning the real names of the people I am referring to? will people look down on me about anything I say?
I pray about these things too too, but I think God will just continue to speak through me. In a way I am worried about what people will say I guess, but I know that the only applause I need is God's applause.
I will let my words be His words.
Friday, June 5, 2009
The Cross
Ironically I have been thinking about the cross in the last couple of days. I was wondering what significance the cross really has. I understand that Jesus died on the cross for our sins, and that it symbolizes Jesus dying for us so that we may have life. I was struggling with this for the last couple of days; I couldn't figure it out. I knew there had to be more to the cross than just Jesus dying for us on the cross and the cross symbolizing our sins being forgiven. I also was thinking, wow people sure do wear the cross around their neck a lot or buy things that have the cross on them, yet do the even know what the cross really symbolizes? I've noticed this because in the gift shop at the hotel I work at, there are many different things that have the cross on them--purses, crystal blocks, cards, pins, and shirts, and people love to buy them!
On the way home from work tonight, I prayed to God asking Him to please reveal to me what is the bigger significance of the cross, because I so badly want to know. I knew there is a greater meaning of the cross. I came home exhausted from my night at work. I was going to head straight to bed, but I decided to upload some new CDs to my laptop that I bought today. As I was doing this, the book I am currently reading, Sex God, was sitting right next to my laptop. I decided to finish up chapter four, and continued on to chapter five, where God revealed to me the power and significance of the cross. The way God revealed this to me completely overwhelmed me. The book talks about how "for so long Christians have found the cross to be so central to life, because it speaks to us of God's suffering, God's pain, and God's broken heart." The book continues on stating that "if you have ever given yourself to someone and had your heart broken, you know how God feels. If you have ever given yourself to someone and found yourself waiting for their response, exposed and vulnerable, left hanging in the balance, you know how God feels. If you have ever given yourself to someone and they responded, they reciprocated with love of their own, you know how God feels. The cross is God's way of saying, 'I know what it's like.' The cross is a way of taking away all of our accusations, excuses, and arguments. The cross is God taking on flesh and blood and saying, 'me too.'" I love this; I read it over and over again. I am in awe over this. God knows how I feel. God feels our hurt. He knows what it is like. It's funny that the book mentions that "our first need is not for people to fix our problems." People who are trying to help must first join in our pain and somehow be able to say "me too." I've felt this hurt you are feeling before. The book states how God tells us he feels our heart, "This is the God who holds out his hands and asks, 'Would you like to see the holes where the nails went? Would that help?'" Fascinating, and beautiful. It is very true that when one is able to say to another I've been there, I know your pain, I feel your pain, I know this distance you feel from God because I've been in the state that you are in right now. Sex God reads, "The cross is where we present our wounds to God and say, 'Here, you take them." =( I cried reading that, and I read it over and over again. It amazed me, because this speaks truth. It's hard to "participate in the suffering of God." But it's beneficial and it's what we need to do. "Our healing begins when we see our pain not as separating us from but connecting us to our maker" Rob says in his book Sex God. By this explanation of the cross I was already overwhelmed and in awe. Chapter five talks about taking a risk, risking your love, putting your love out there and allowing yourself to become vulnerable. Love is risky, but love is risky for us just as it is for God. "Perhaps you have had your heart broken by somebody. You risked and extended and offered yourself, and they rejected and turned away and didn't return your love." I feel that way so many times, mostly with friendships, and it hurts, and the same way it hurts me, it hurts God when someone doesn't return their love to Him. He makes Himself vulnerable just as we do when we put our love and our hearts out there to people. I know the feeling God, and I never want to hold my love back from You...
Chapter five was concluded very well. Bell mentioned a phrase that is used to explain how God loves everyone equally. "People say that 'the ground at the foot of the cross is level.' The idea is that God has no favorites, that no matter where you're coming from and what you've done and who you've been with and how badly you've screwed it up, the cross is the place where God looks past it all and forgives and accepts and wipes the slate clean." How beautiful is that?! How good is this to know?! Bell states in Sex God, "The ground at the foot of the cross is level for God too. In matters of love, it's as if God has agreed to play by the same rules we do. God can do anything-that's what makes God, God. But God can't do everything. God can't make us love him-that's our choice."
Geez---what a tare at my heart...because it's so true. I mean my perspective on the cross has been so close minded for so long, and this has given me a fresh perspective on the cross, one I have never had before, and knowing this now is outstanding. I think of it as this. There is this song that I really love, and I listened to it after God revealed all of this to me through Bell's words. The song is called "Wrap Me In Your Arms" by Michael Gungor. It states that "there is a God who loves me, who wraps me in His arms. That is the place where I change. And that's where I belong! Take me to that place Lord, to that secret place where I can be with You, You can make me like You, wrap me in Your arms, wrap me in Your arms, wrap me in Your arms." I've never thought of it with the context of the cross being implemented. I always viewed that "secret place" as somewhere in the corner of my room where it's just God and I, but I believe this "secret place" the song sings of is the cross. It's the secret place where the ground is level with the foot of the cross.
I see myself kneeling on the ground at the foot of the cross yearning for more of God. I know how long I've needed God in my life this much. I know how badly I needed to seek God daily. I know how badly I needed this fresh, new perspective of God's love. I feel God wrapping me in His arms as I listen and sing these lyrics. I know God is holding me, telling me "Rudy it's okay you have screwed up, it's okay how bad you've hurt some people, it's okay that you allowed many people to think you were someone you were not, it's okay you tried to invent yourself, it's okay you tried to use things of this world to heal your wounds and pain, it's okay that you became angry with yourself, it's okay you didn't remember me, but I am glad that you now know to remember the cross, Rudy this is the place where I look past it all and forgive you and accept you and this is where I wipe your slate clean. This is where I change you, and this is where you allow me to really change you. This is where you belong. This is where you learn to like me my child. This is where you allow me to chisel away so much crap from your life that you never needed in the first place. I love you Rudy."
When I feel persecuted I will follow God, when I feel loved I will follow God, when I feel hurt I will follow God, when I feel let down I will follow God, when I feel like life is great I will follow God, when I am happy I will follow God, when I am sad I will follow God. I will die to myself and follow you God. God is the source of my life, and there is no other way which I am truly saved. This world has nothing for me, and I've come to this realization so much within the past month and a half! I'm done with the games, because I know who I am following now, and I know what I passionately believe. There is no turning back anymore! Oh what a waste of time it would be if I turned back once again--Satan wants me to turn back so bad, because his favorite tactic is to get people to waste time so that we stray away from God, but I resist turning back again, because my heart screams I am free!
I've learned where the spirit of the Lord is there is freedom, and because I allow the spirit of the Lord to truly dwell within my heart stuff starts happening. My eyes that were blind from so much have started to open and see so many things more clearly. My heart has truly been able to open up and come alive in the presence of God, and lately I have been in the presence of God at most times. This is why my heart screams I am free!
On the way home from work tonight, I prayed to God asking Him to please reveal to me what is the bigger significance of the cross, because I so badly want to know. I knew there is a greater meaning of the cross. I came home exhausted from my night at work. I was going to head straight to bed, but I decided to upload some new CDs to my laptop that I bought today. As I was doing this, the book I am currently reading, Sex God, was sitting right next to my laptop. I decided to finish up chapter four, and continued on to chapter five, where God revealed to me the power and significance of the cross. The way God revealed this to me completely overwhelmed me. The book talks about how "for so long Christians have found the cross to be so central to life, because it speaks to us of God's suffering, God's pain, and God's broken heart." The book continues on stating that "if you have ever given yourself to someone and had your heart broken, you know how God feels. If you have ever given yourself to someone and found yourself waiting for their response, exposed and vulnerable, left hanging in the balance, you know how God feels. If you have ever given yourself to someone and they responded, they reciprocated with love of their own, you know how God feels. The cross is God's way of saying, 'I know what it's like.' The cross is a way of taking away all of our accusations, excuses, and arguments. The cross is God taking on flesh and blood and saying, 'me too.'" I love this; I read it over and over again. I am in awe over this. God knows how I feel. God feels our hurt. He knows what it is like. It's funny that the book mentions that "our first need is not for people to fix our problems." People who are trying to help must first join in our pain and somehow be able to say "me too." I've felt this hurt you are feeling before. The book states how God tells us he feels our heart, "This is the God who holds out his hands and asks, 'Would you like to see the holes where the nails went? Would that help?'" Fascinating, and beautiful. It is very true that when one is able to say to another I've been there, I know your pain, I feel your pain, I know this distance you feel from God because I've been in the state that you are in right now. Sex God reads, "The cross is where we present our wounds to God and say, 'Here, you take them." =( I cried reading that, and I read it over and over again. It amazed me, because this speaks truth. It's hard to "participate in the suffering of God." But it's beneficial and it's what we need to do. "Our healing begins when we see our pain not as separating us from but connecting us to our maker" Rob says in his book Sex God. By this explanation of the cross I was already overwhelmed and in awe. Chapter five talks about taking a risk, risking your love, putting your love out there and allowing yourself to become vulnerable. Love is risky, but love is risky for us just as it is for God. "Perhaps you have had your heart broken by somebody. You risked and extended and offered yourself, and they rejected and turned away and didn't return your love." I feel that way so many times, mostly with friendships, and it hurts, and the same way it hurts me, it hurts God when someone doesn't return their love to Him. He makes Himself vulnerable just as we do when we put our love and our hearts out there to people. I know the feeling God, and I never want to hold my love back from You...
Chapter five was concluded very well. Bell mentioned a phrase that is used to explain how God loves everyone equally. "People say that 'the ground at the foot of the cross is level.' The idea is that God has no favorites, that no matter where you're coming from and what you've done and who you've been with and how badly you've screwed it up, the cross is the place where God looks past it all and forgives and accepts and wipes the slate clean." How beautiful is that?! How good is this to know?! Bell states in Sex God, "The ground at the foot of the cross is level for God too. In matters of love, it's as if God has agreed to play by the same rules we do. God can do anything-that's what makes God, God. But God can't do everything. God can't make us love him-that's our choice."
Geez---what a tare at my heart...because it's so true. I mean my perspective on the cross has been so close minded for so long, and this has given me a fresh perspective on the cross, one I have never had before, and knowing this now is outstanding. I think of it as this. There is this song that I really love, and I listened to it after God revealed all of this to me through Bell's words. The song is called "Wrap Me In Your Arms" by Michael Gungor. It states that "there is a God who loves me, who wraps me in His arms. That is the place where I change. And that's where I belong! Take me to that place Lord, to that secret place where I can be with You, You can make me like You, wrap me in Your arms, wrap me in Your arms, wrap me in Your arms." I've never thought of it with the context of the cross being implemented. I always viewed that "secret place" as somewhere in the corner of my room where it's just God and I, but I believe this "secret place" the song sings of is the cross. It's the secret place where the ground is level with the foot of the cross.
I see myself kneeling on the ground at the foot of the cross yearning for more of God. I know how long I've needed God in my life this much. I know how badly I needed to seek God daily. I know how badly I needed this fresh, new perspective of God's love. I feel God wrapping me in His arms as I listen and sing these lyrics. I know God is holding me, telling me "Rudy it's okay you have screwed up, it's okay how bad you've hurt some people, it's okay that you allowed many people to think you were someone you were not, it's okay you tried to invent yourself, it's okay you tried to use things of this world to heal your wounds and pain, it's okay that you became angry with yourself, it's okay you didn't remember me, but I am glad that you now know to remember the cross, Rudy this is the place where I look past it all and forgive you and accept you and this is where I wipe your slate clean. This is where I change you, and this is where you allow me to really change you. This is where you belong. This is where you learn to like me my child. This is where you allow me to chisel away so much crap from your life that you never needed in the first place. I love you Rudy."
When I feel persecuted I will follow God, when I feel loved I will follow God, when I feel hurt I will follow God, when I feel let down I will follow God, when I feel like life is great I will follow God, when I am happy I will follow God, when I am sad I will follow God. I will die to myself and follow you God. God is the source of my life, and there is no other way which I am truly saved. This world has nothing for me, and I've come to this realization so much within the past month and a half! I'm done with the games, because I know who I am following now, and I know what I passionately believe. There is no turning back anymore! Oh what a waste of time it would be if I turned back once again--Satan wants me to turn back so bad, because his favorite tactic is to get people to waste time so that we stray away from God, but I resist turning back again, because my heart screams I am free!
I've learned where the spirit of the Lord is there is freedom, and because I allow the spirit of the Lord to truly dwell within my heart stuff starts happening. My eyes that were blind from so much have started to open and see so many things more clearly. My heart has truly been able to open up and come alive in the presence of God, and lately I have been in the presence of God at most times. This is why my heart screams I am free!
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