The Cross

Ironically I have been thinking about the cross in the last couple of days. I was wondering what significance the cross really has. I understand that Jesus died on the cross for our sins, and that it symbolizes Jesus dying for us so that we may have life. I was struggling with this for the last couple of days; I couldn't figure it out. I knew there had to be more to the cross than just Jesus dying for us on the cross and the cross symbolizing our sins being forgiven. I also was thinking, wow people sure do wear the cross around their neck a lot or buy things that have the cross on them, yet do the even know what the cross really symbolizes? I've noticed this because in the gift shop at the hotel I work at, there are many different things that have the cross on them--purses, crystal blocks, cards, pins, and shirts, and people love to buy them!

On the way home from work tonight, I prayed to God asking Him to please reveal to me what is the bigger significance of the cross, because I so badly want to know. I knew there is a greater meaning of the cross. I came home exhausted from my night at work. I was going to head straight to bed, but I decided to upload some new CDs to my laptop that I bought today. As I was doing this, the book I am currently reading, Sex God, was sitting right next to my laptop. I decided to finish up chapter four, and continued on to chapter five, where God revealed to me the power and significance of the cross. The way God revealed this to me completely overwhelmed me. The book talks about how "for so long Christians have found the cross to be so central to life, because it speaks to us of God's suffering, God's pain, and God's broken heart." The book continues on stating that "if you have ever given yourself to someone and had your heart broken, you know how God feels. If you have ever given yourself to someone and found yourself waiting for their response, exposed and vulnerable, left hanging in the balance, you know how God feels. If you have ever given yourself to someone and they responded, they reciprocated with love of their own, you know how God feels. The cross is God's way of saying, 'I know what it's like.' The cross is a way of taking away all of our accusations, excuses, and arguments. The cross is God taking on flesh and blood and saying, 'me too.'" I love this; I read it over and over again. I am in awe over this. God knows how I feel. God feels our hurt. He knows what it is like. It's funny that the book mentions that "our first need is not for people to fix our problems." People who are trying to help must first join in our pain and somehow be able to say "me too." I've felt this hurt you are feeling before. The book states how God tells us he feels our heart, "This is the God who holds out his hands and asks, 'Would you like to see the holes where the nails went? Would that help?'" Fascinating, and beautiful. It is very true that when one is able to say to another I've been there, I know your pain, I feel your pain, I know this distance you feel from God because I've been in the state that you are in right now. Sex God reads, "The cross is where we present our wounds to God and say, 'Here, you take them." =( I cried reading that, and I read it over and over again. It amazed me, because this speaks truth. It's hard to "participate in the suffering of God." But it's beneficial and it's what we need to do. "Our healing begins when we see our pain not as separating us from but connecting us to our maker" Rob says in his book Sex God. By this explanation of the cross I was already overwhelmed and in awe. Chapter five talks about taking a risk, risking your love, putting your love out there and allowing yourself to become vulnerable. Love is risky, but love is risky for us just as it is for God. "Perhaps you have had your heart broken by somebody. You risked and extended and offered yourself, and they rejected and turned away and didn't return your love." I feel that way so many times, mostly with friendships, and it hurts, and the same way it hurts me, it hurts God when someone doesn't return their love to Him. He makes Himself vulnerable just as we do when we put our love and our hearts out there to people. I know the feeling God, and I never want to hold my love back from You...
Chapter five was concluded very well. Bell mentioned a phrase that is used to explain how God loves everyone equally. "People say that 'the ground at the foot of the cross is level.' The idea is that God has no favorites, that no matter where you're coming from and what you've done and who you've been with and how badly you've screwed it up, the cross is the place where God looks past it all and forgives and accepts and wipes the slate clean." How beautiful is that?! How good is this to know?! Bell states in Sex God, "The ground at the foot of the cross is level for God too. In matters of love, it's as if God has agreed to play by the same rules we do. God can do anything-that's what makes God, God. But God can't do everything. God can't make us love him-that's our choice."

Geez---what a tare at my heart...because it's so true. I mean my perspective on the cross has been so close minded for so long, and this has given me a fresh perspective on the cross, one I have never had before, and knowing this now is outstanding. I think of it as this. There is this song that I really love, and I listened to it after God revealed all of this to me through Bell's words. The song is called "Wrap Me In Your Arms" by Michael Gungor. It states that "there is a God who loves me, who wraps me in His arms. That is the place where I change. And that's where I belong! Take me to that place Lord, to that secret place where I can be with You, You can make me like You, wrap me in Your arms, wrap me in Your arms, wrap me in Your arms." I've never thought of it with the context of the cross being implemented. I always viewed that "secret place" as somewhere in the corner of my room where it's just God and I, but I believe this "secret place" the song sings of is the cross. It's the secret place where the ground is level with the foot of the cross.

I see myself kneeling on the ground at the foot of the cross yearning for more of God. I know how long I've needed God in my life this much. I know how badly I needed to seek God daily. I know how badly I needed this fresh, new perspective of God's love. I feel God wrapping me in His arms as I listen and sing these lyrics. I know God is holding me, telling me "Rudy it's okay you have screwed up, it's okay how bad you've hurt some people, it's okay that you allowed many people to think you were someone you were not, it's okay you tried to invent yourself, it's okay you tried to use things of this world to heal your wounds and pain, it's okay that you became angry with yourself, it's okay you didn't remember me, but I am glad that you now know to remember the cross, Rudy this is the place where I look past it all and forgive you and accept you and this is where I wipe your slate clean. This is where I change you, and this is where you allow me to really change you. This is where you belong. This is where you learn to like me my child. This is where you allow me to chisel away so much crap from your life that you never needed in the first place. I love you Rudy."

When I feel persecuted I will follow God, when I feel loved I will follow God, when I feel hurt I will follow God, when I feel let down I will follow God, when I feel like life is great I will follow God, when I am happy I will follow God, when I am sad I will follow God. I will die to myself and follow you God. God is the source of my life, and there is no other way which I am truly saved. This world has nothing for me, and I've come to this realization so much within the past month and a half! I'm done with the games, because I know who I am following now, and I know what I passionately believe. There is no turning back anymore! Oh what a waste of time it would be if I turned back once again--Satan wants me to turn back so bad, because his favorite tactic is to get people to waste time so that we stray away from God, but I resist turning back again, because my heart screams I am free!

I've learned where the spirit of the Lord is there is freedom, and because I allow the spirit of the Lord to truly dwell within my heart stuff starts happening. My eyes that were blind from so much have started to open and see so many things more clearly. My heart has truly been able to open up and come alive in the presence of God, and lately I have been in the presence of God at most times. This is why my heart screams I am free!