A Birth Certificate shows that we were born
A Death Certificate shows that we died
Pictures show that we lived!
I Believe...
That just because two people argue,
It doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue,
It doesn't mean they do love each other.
I Believe...
That we don't have to change friends if
We understand that friends change.
I Believe....
That no matter how good a friend is,
They're going to hurt you every once in a while
And you MUST forgive them for that.
I Believe...
That true friendship continues to grow,
Even over the longest distance.
I Believe......
That you can do something in an instant
That will give you heartache for life.
I Believe... That you should always leave loved ones with
Loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I Believe....
That you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I Believe...
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done,
Regardless of the consequences.
I Believe....
That my best friend and I,
Can do anything, or nothing and have the best time.
I Believe....
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down,
Will be the ones to help you get back up.
I Believe...
That sometimes when I'm angry,
I have the right to be angry,
But that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I Believe....
That maturity has more to do with
What types of experiences you've had
And what you've learned from them
And less to do with
How many birthdays you've celebrated.
I Believe.....
That it isn't always enough,
To be forgiven by others.
Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I Believe...
That no matter how bad your heart is broken,
the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I Believe...
That our background and circumstances
May have influenced who we are,
But, we are responsible for who we become.
I Believe...
That you shouldn't be so eager to find
Out a secret. It could change your life Forever.
I Believe....
Two people can look at the exact same
Thing and see something totally different.
I Believe...
That your life can be changed in a matter of
Hours by people who don't even know you.
I Believe...
That even when you think you have no more to give,
When A friend cries out to you -
You will find the strength to help.
I Believe...
That credentials on the wall
Do not make you a decent human being.
I Believe...
That the people you care about most in life
Are taken from you too soon.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
WOW---Mark 12:29
So today I had a couple of pretty phenomenal conversations. At two different times, I met up with 2 friends of mine. A lot was said, and I enjoyed the company of these two friends. I realized something from today. MARK 12:29. This verse is by far one of the most amazing verses I have ever come across. Ironically I came across it today. Mark 12:29-31 states, "'The most important one,' answered Jesus, 'is this: Hear O Isreal, the Lord your God, The Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this, Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.'"
I love how in my bible, and I'm sure it's in most of the NIV version bibles, that right before this verse the subtitle reads "The Greatest Commandment." Before verse 29, a teacher is asking Jesus what is the greatest commandment of them all. Jesus replies with verse 29-31. How beautiful is that?! When people talk about the 7 deadly sins, yes they are deadly and yes they will lead you completly astray from God, but the deadliest sin of all, I believe, is when one cannot expose God's love to all, when one doesn't obey the greatest commandment!
It struck me that this IS Jesus, this IS the way we should be living for God. What is more important than loving God with our all, with the entity of our lives?! What is more important than loving our neighbor as ourselves?
Let me take a step back here. If we can't love ourselves, then how are we loving God? And in essence how are we going to be able to expose God's love to the people around us if we can't expose God's love to our own hearts?
Is this great and most important commandment "our religion?" Is the greatest commandment "christianity?" Is this commandment supposed to be the entity of our lives and how we live for God? I think many are missing it. Many people are too focused on the "rules and regulations" of chrisitianity, and it's SO MUCH MORE! Mark 12:29 says this is the most important. It is SO MUCH MORE. Who gives a SHIT if someone cusses, is this really making God angry? What if we say this, yet we are fulfilling God's greatest commandment, we are fulfilling living for God, the way Jesus said it should be! Quite frankly, I don't think that Jesus would give a shit if his followers cuss, maybe if we were being negative about it. Society, the world, is who says "shit" is bad. Oh don't get me wrong, trust me, I still believe what I stated in my blog about cussing, but ultimately what really matters is God's love. I'm not too concerned with a follower of Jesus looking down on me for saying a cuss word and trying to give me advice about cussing, because the only applause I look for is God's and as long as I am fulfilling His will, loving, I know He smiles down at me! His concern is not if people say words that have been foolishly created by the world. It is the bigger picture that is looked at by Him! I believe that Jesus was trying to get across the distinct point of love. It's not about what religion you claim or what denomination you claim to be a part of. I believe this, Mark 12:29, is "the religion" that everyone is ultimately seeking and should seek! Don Miller states in Blue Like Jazz, "sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way." Don also states to "remember that God never witheld love from [us] to teach [us] a lesson." When we watch the way others love, others loving their neighbor as they are, we come to understand how love truly is; We come to understand God's love. It's as if they are showing the people around them the way. Love is important in this world and it is obvious that God doesn't withold love from us, because He wants us to realize how powerful love really is, and how much it matters. So we must not live witholding love from people, we must pour it on lavishly so that others may understand love, so that others may understand the love God has for us! What better feeling than this kind of love?!
Living for God is ultimately loving God with our all and understand that He is one, but wait, there's more!!!! The relationship with God is loving others, reaching out to others as they are! Our neighbor is the people around us! The person at the register of a store; the person ringing up your order at a coffee shop; the person you are driving next to; the person you are hanging out with; the friend who only wants to hang out when there is a party; the friend who is closest to us; the sister or brother that you have; the parents that you live with: These are all our neighbors--We must love these people passionately, just as Jesus loves us passionately. Believe it, it's truth! =D
These conversations I had today glorified God--I know this! I mean now that I completely love myself and know that my heart is right, I am able to expose this love God has for humanity to all! I am able to catch up with old friends, I am able to mend broken relationships, I am able to talk to friends who I havn't talked to in years because of bitterness I held for far too long and am able to ask for their forgiveness, I am able to have a thirty minute conversation with two employees of a coffee shop before closing time because God has made time, I am able to love my neighbor, I am able to love the Lord my God with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength. This ALL exemplifies love, which is the way we live for God! This is what it's all about and I truly believe it, I believe it with a burning passion! So if you ask me now what religion or denomination I am, here is my answer: it is simply Mark 12:29, it is simply Jesus, it is simply love!
My GOD is BIG. My GOD is POWERFUL. My GOD is going to move my life in ways I never believed possible! My God can do this for all who ask and cry out to Him! As simple as this sounds, I love my God!
Live it, Mark 12:29-31!
I love how in my bible, and I'm sure it's in most of the NIV version bibles, that right before this verse the subtitle reads "The Greatest Commandment." Before verse 29, a teacher is asking Jesus what is the greatest commandment of them all. Jesus replies with verse 29-31. How beautiful is that?! When people talk about the 7 deadly sins, yes they are deadly and yes they will lead you completly astray from God, but the deadliest sin of all, I believe, is when one cannot expose God's love to all, when one doesn't obey the greatest commandment!
It struck me that this IS Jesus, this IS the way we should be living for God. What is more important than loving God with our all, with the entity of our lives?! What is more important than loving our neighbor as ourselves?
Let me take a step back here. If we can't love ourselves, then how are we loving God? And in essence how are we going to be able to expose God's love to the people around us if we can't expose God's love to our own hearts?
Is this great and most important commandment "our religion?" Is the greatest commandment "christianity?" Is this commandment supposed to be the entity of our lives and how we live for God? I think many are missing it. Many people are too focused on the "rules and regulations" of chrisitianity, and it's SO MUCH MORE! Mark 12:29 says this is the most important. It is SO MUCH MORE. Who gives a SHIT if someone cusses, is this really making God angry? What if we say this, yet we are fulfilling God's greatest commandment, we are fulfilling living for God, the way Jesus said it should be! Quite frankly, I don't think that Jesus would give a shit if his followers cuss, maybe if we were being negative about it. Society, the world, is who says "shit" is bad. Oh don't get me wrong, trust me, I still believe what I stated in my blog about cussing, but ultimately what really matters is God's love. I'm not too concerned with a follower of Jesus looking down on me for saying a cuss word and trying to give me advice about cussing, because the only applause I look for is God's and as long as I am fulfilling His will, loving, I know He smiles down at me! His concern is not if people say words that have been foolishly created by the world. It is the bigger picture that is looked at by Him! I believe that Jesus was trying to get across the distinct point of love. It's not about what religion you claim or what denomination you claim to be a part of. I believe this, Mark 12:29, is "the religion" that everyone is ultimately seeking and should seek! Don Miller states in Blue Like Jazz, "sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way." Don also states to "remember that God never witheld love from [us] to teach [us] a lesson." When we watch the way others love, others loving their neighbor as they are, we come to understand how love truly is; We come to understand God's love. It's as if they are showing the people around them the way. Love is important in this world and it is obvious that God doesn't withold love from us, because He wants us to realize how powerful love really is, and how much it matters. So we must not live witholding love from people, we must pour it on lavishly so that others may understand love, so that others may understand the love God has for us! What better feeling than this kind of love?!
Living for God is ultimately loving God with our all and understand that He is one, but wait, there's more!!!! The relationship with God is loving others, reaching out to others as they are! Our neighbor is the people around us! The person at the register of a store; the person ringing up your order at a coffee shop; the person you are driving next to; the person you are hanging out with; the friend who only wants to hang out when there is a party; the friend who is closest to us; the sister or brother that you have; the parents that you live with: These are all our neighbors--We must love these people passionately, just as Jesus loves us passionately. Believe it, it's truth! =D
These conversations I had today glorified God--I know this! I mean now that I completely love myself and know that my heart is right, I am able to expose this love God has for humanity to all! I am able to catch up with old friends, I am able to mend broken relationships, I am able to talk to friends who I havn't talked to in years because of bitterness I held for far too long and am able to ask for their forgiveness, I am able to have a thirty minute conversation with two employees of a coffee shop before closing time because God has made time, I am able to love my neighbor, I am able to love the Lord my God with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength. This ALL exemplifies love, which is the way we live for God! This is what it's all about and I truly believe it, I believe it with a burning passion! So if you ask me now what religion or denomination I am, here is my answer: it is simply Mark 12:29, it is simply Jesus, it is simply love!
My GOD is BIG. My GOD is POWERFUL. My GOD is going to move my life in ways I never believed possible! My God can do this for all who ask and cry out to Him! As simple as this sounds, I love my God!
Live it, Mark 12:29-31!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
My Book
When I said I think I am going to write a book a week back, I was somewhat serious, but wasn't sure if I was really down for doing that. I really feel God calling me to write this book. I already have a title for this book. It started off as something I was going to blog about, and it turned out 8 pages long on Word, I think that is the start of this book I am planning to write. Pray that God will really speak through me! My best friend David told me that I should go for it, and don't let fear take over, because I have a lot to say, and, well, basically he thinks I would get to people. I think God wants me to get to people in this certain aspect.
But I think about certain things when ever I think about continuing this process, such as, how open should I be? how honest should I be? what details should I include? what thoughts should I include? should I be mentioning the real names of the people I am referring to? will people look down on me about anything I say?
I pray about these things too too, but I think God will just continue to speak through me. In a way I am worried about what people will say I guess, but I know that the only applause I need is God's applause.
I will let my words be His words.
But I think about certain things when ever I think about continuing this process, such as, how open should I be? how honest should I be? what details should I include? what thoughts should I include? should I be mentioning the real names of the people I am referring to? will people look down on me about anything I say?
I pray about these things too too, but I think God will just continue to speak through me. In a way I am worried about what people will say I guess, but I know that the only applause I need is God's applause.
I will let my words be His words.
Friday, June 5, 2009
The Cross
Ironically I have been thinking about the cross in the last couple of days. I was wondering what significance the cross really has. I understand that Jesus died on the cross for our sins, and that it symbolizes Jesus dying for us so that we may have life. I was struggling with this for the last couple of days; I couldn't figure it out. I knew there had to be more to the cross than just Jesus dying for us on the cross and the cross symbolizing our sins being forgiven. I also was thinking, wow people sure do wear the cross around their neck a lot or buy things that have the cross on them, yet do the even know what the cross really symbolizes? I've noticed this because in the gift shop at the hotel I work at, there are many different things that have the cross on them--purses, crystal blocks, cards, pins, and shirts, and people love to buy them!
On the way home from work tonight, I prayed to God asking Him to please reveal to me what is the bigger significance of the cross, because I so badly want to know. I knew there is a greater meaning of the cross. I came home exhausted from my night at work. I was going to head straight to bed, but I decided to upload some new CDs to my laptop that I bought today. As I was doing this, the book I am currently reading, Sex God, was sitting right next to my laptop. I decided to finish up chapter four, and continued on to chapter five, where God revealed to me the power and significance of the cross. The way God revealed this to me completely overwhelmed me. The book talks about how "for so long Christians have found the cross to be so central to life, because it speaks to us of God's suffering, God's pain, and God's broken heart." The book continues on stating that "if you have ever given yourself to someone and had your heart broken, you know how God feels. If you have ever given yourself to someone and found yourself waiting for their response, exposed and vulnerable, left hanging in the balance, you know how God feels. If you have ever given yourself to someone and they responded, they reciprocated with love of their own, you know how God feels. The cross is God's way of saying, 'I know what it's like.' The cross is a way of taking away all of our accusations, excuses, and arguments. The cross is God taking on flesh and blood and saying, 'me too.'" I love this; I read it over and over again. I am in awe over this. God knows how I feel. God feels our hurt. He knows what it is like. It's funny that the book mentions that "our first need is not for people to fix our problems." People who are trying to help must first join in our pain and somehow be able to say "me too." I've felt this hurt you are feeling before. The book states how God tells us he feels our heart, "This is the God who holds out his hands and asks, 'Would you like to see the holes where the nails went? Would that help?'" Fascinating, and beautiful. It is very true that when one is able to say to another I've been there, I know your pain, I feel your pain, I know this distance you feel from God because I've been in the state that you are in right now. Sex God reads, "The cross is where we present our wounds to God and say, 'Here, you take them." =( I cried reading that, and I read it over and over again. It amazed me, because this speaks truth. It's hard to "participate in the suffering of God." But it's beneficial and it's what we need to do. "Our healing begins when we see our pain not as separating us from but connecting us to our maker" Rob says in his book Sex God. By this explanation of the cross I was already overwhelmed and in awe. Chapter five talks about taking a risk, risking your love, putting your love out there and allowing yourself to become vulnerable. Love is risky, but love is risky for us just as it is for God. "Perhaps you have had your heart broken by somebody. You risked and extended and offered yourself, and they rejected and turned away and didn't return your love." I feel that way so many times, mostly with friendships, and it hurts, and the same way it hurts me, it hurts God when someone doesn't return their love to Him. He makes Himself vulnerable just as we do when we put our love and our hearts out there to people. I know the feeling God, and I never want to hold my love back from You...
Chapter five was concluded very well. Bell mentioned a phrase that is used to explain how God loves everyone equally. "People say that 'the ground at the foot of the cross is level.' The idea is that God has no favorites, that no matter where you're coming from and what you've done and who you've been with and how badly you've screwed it up, the cross is the place where God looks past it all and forgives and accepts and wipes the slate clean." How beautiful is that?! How good is this to know?! Bell states in Sex God, "The ground at the foot of the cross is level for God too. In matters of love, it's as if God has agreed to play by the same rules we do. God can do anything-that's what makes God, God. But God can't do everything. God can't make us love him-that's our choice."
Geez---what a tare at my heart...because it's so true. I mean my perspective on the cross has been so close minded for so long, and this has given me a fresh perspective on the cross, one I have never had before, and knowing this now is outstanding. I think of it as this. There is this song that I really love, and I listened to it after God revealed all of this to me through Bell's words. The song is called "Wrap Me In Your Arms" by Michael Gungor. It states that "there is a God who loves me, who wraps me in His arms. That is the place where I change. And that's where I belong! Take me to that place Lord, to that secret place where I can be with You, You can make me like You, wrap me in Your arms, wrap me in Your arms, wrap me in Your arms." I've never thought of it with the context of the cross being implemented. I always viewed that "secret place" as somewhere in the corner of my room where it's just God and I, but I believe this "secret place" the song sings of is the cross. It's the secret place where the ground is level with the foot of the cross.
I see myself kneeling on the ground at the foot of the cross yearning for more of God. I know how long I've needed God in my life this much. I know how badly I needed to seek God daily. I know how badly I needed this fresh, new perspective of God's love. I feel God wrapping me in His arms as I listen and sing these lyrics. I know God is holding me, telling me "Rudy it's okay you have screwed up, it's okay how bad you've hurt some people, it's okay that you allowed many people to think you were someone you were not, it's okay you tried to invent yourself, it's okay you tried to use things of this world to heal your wounds and pain, it's okay that you became angry with yourself, it's okay you didn't remember me, but I am glad that you now know to remember the cross, Rudy this is the place where I look past it all and forgive you and accept you and this is where I wipe your slate clean. This is where I change you, and this is where you allow me to really change you. This is where you belong. This is where you learn to like me my child. This is where you allow me to chisel away so much crap from your life that you never needed in the first place. I love you Rudy."
When I feel persecuted I will follow God, when I feel loved I will follow God, when I feel hurt I will follow God, when I feel let down I will follow God, when I feel like life is great I will follow God, when I am happy I will follow God, when I am sad I will follow God. I will die to myself and follow you God. God is the source of my life, and there is no other way which I am truly saved. This world has nothing for me, and I've come to this realization so much within the past month and a half! I'm done with the games, because I know who I am following now, and I know what I passionately believe. There is no turning back anymore! Oh what a waste of time it would be if I turned back once again--Satan wants me to turn back so bad, because his favorite tactic is to get people to waste time so that we stray away from God, but I resist turning back again, because my heart screams I am free!
I've learned where the spirit of the Lord is there is freedom, and because I allow the spirit of the Lord to truly dwell within my heart stuff starts happening. My eyes that were blind from so much have started to open and see so many things more clearly. My heart has truly been able to open up and come alive in the presence of God, and lately I have been in the presence of God at most times. This is why my heart screams I am free!
On the way home from work tonight, I prayed to God asking Him to please reveal to me what is the bigger significance of the cross, because I so badly want to know. I knew there is a greater meaning of the cross. I came home exhausted from my night at work. I was going to head straight to bed, but I decided to upload some new CDs to my laptop that I bought today. As I was doing this, the book I am currently reading, Sex God, was sitting right next to my laptop. I decided to finish up chapter four, and continued on to chapter five, where God revealed to me the power and significance of the cross. The way God revealed this to me completely overwhelmed me. The book talks about how "for so long Christians have found the cross to be so central to life, because it speaks to us of God's suffering, God's pain, and God's broken heart." The book continues on stating that "if you have ever given yourself to someone and had your heart broken, you know how God feels. If you have ever given yourself to someone and found yourself waiting for their response, exposed and vulnerable, left hanging in the balance, you know how God feels. If you have ever given yourself to someone and they responded, they reciprocated with love of their own, you know how God feels. The cross is God's way of saying, 'I know what it's like.' The cross is a way of taking away all of our accusations, excuses, and arguments. The cross is God taking on flesh and blood and saying, 'me too.'" I love this; I read it over and over again. I am in awe over this. God knows how I feel. God feels our hurt. He knows what it is like. It's funny that the book mentions that "our first need is not for people to fix our problems." People who are trying to help must first join in our pain and somehow be able to say "me too." I've felt this hurt you are feeling before. The book states how God tells us he feels our heart, "This is the God who holds out his hands and asks, 'Would you like to see the holes where the nails went? Would that help?'" Fascinating, and beautiful. It is very true that when one is able to say to another I've been there, I know your pain, I feel your pain, I know this distance you feel from God because I've been in the state that you are in right now. Sex God reads, "The cross is where we present our wounds to God and say, 'Here, you take them." =( I cried reading that, and I read it over and over again. It amazed me, because this speaks truth. It's hard to "participate in the suffering of God." But it's beneficial and it's what we need to do. "Our healing begins when we see our pain not as separating us from but connecting us to our maker" Rob says in his book Sex God. By this explanation of the cross I was already overwhelmed and in awe. Chapter five talks about taking a risk, risking your love, putting your love out there and allowing yourself to become vulnerable. Love is risky, but love is risky for us just as it is for God. "Perhaps you have had your heart broken by somebody. You risked and extended and offered yourself, and they rejected and turned away and didn't return your love." I feel that way so many times, mostly with friendships, and it hurts, and the same way it hurts me, it hurts God when someone doesn't return their love to Him. He makes Himself vulnerable just as we do when we put our love and our hearts out there to people. I know the feeling God, and I never want to hold my love back from You...
Chapter five was concluded very well. Bell mentioned a phrase that is used to explain how God loves everyone equally. "People say that 'the ground at the foot of the cross is level.' The idea is that God has no favorites, that no matter where you're coming from and what you've done and who you've been with and how badly you've screwed it up, the cross is the place where God looks past it all and forgives and accepts and wipes the slate clean." How beautiful is that?! How good is this to know?! Bell states in Sex God, "The ground at the foot of the cross is level for God too. In matters of love, it's as if God has agreed to play by the same rules we do. God can do anything-that's what makes God, God. But God can't do everything. God can't make us love him-that's our choice."
Geez---what a tare at my heart...because it's so true. I mean my perspective on the cross has been so close minded for so long, and this has given me a fresh perspective on the cross, one I have never had before, and knowing this now is outstanding. I think of it as this. There is this song that I really love, and I listened to it after God revealed all of this to me through Bell's words. The song is called "Wrap Me In Your Arms" by Michael Gungor. It states that "there is a God who loves me, who wraps me in His arms. That is the place where I change. And that's where I belong! Take me to that place Lord, to that secret place where I can be with You, You can make me like You, wrap me in Your arms, wrap me in Your arms, wrap me in Your arms." I've never thought of it with the context of the cross being implemented. I always viewed that "secret place" as somewhere in the corner of my room where it's just God and I, but I believe this "secret place" the song sings of is the cross. It's the secret place where the ground is level with the foot of the cross.
I see myself kneeling on the ground at the foot of the cross yearning for more of God. I know how long I've needed God in my life this much. I know how badly I needed to seek God daily. I know how badly I needed this fresh, new perspective of God's love. I feel God wrapping me in His arms as I listen and sing these lyrics. I know God is holding me, telling me "Rudy it's okay you have screwed up, it's okay how bad you've hurt some people, it's okay that you allowed many people to think you were someone you were not, it's okay you tried to invent yourself, it's okay you tried to use things of this world to heal your wounds and pain, it's okay that you became angry with yourself, it's okay you didn't remember me, but I am glad that you now know to remember the cross, Rudy this is the place where I look past it all and forgive you and accept you and this is where I wipe your slate clean. This is where I change you, and this is where you allow me to really change you. This is where you belong. This is where you learn to like me my child. This is where you allow me to chisel away so much crap from your life that you never needed in the first place. I love you Rudy."
When I feel persecuted I will follow God, when I feel loved I will follow God, when I feel hurt I will follow God, when I feel let down I will follow God, when I feel like life is great I will follow God, when I am happy I will follow God, when I am sad I will follow God. I will die to myself and follow you God. God is the source of my life, and there is no other way which I am truly saved. This world has nothing for me, and I've come to this realization so much within the past month and a half! I'm done with the games, because I know who I am following now, and I know what I passionately believe. There is no turning back anymore! Oh what a waste of time it would be if I turned back once again--Satan wants me to turn back so bad, because his favorite tactic is to get people to waste time so that we stray away from God, but I resist turning back again, because my heart screams I am free!
I've learned where the spirit of the Lord is there is freedom, and because I allow the spirit of the Lord to truly dwell within my heart stuff starts happening. My eyes that were blind from so much have started to open and see so many things more clearly. My heart has truly been able to open up and come alive in the presence of God, and lately I have been in the presence of God at most times. This is why my heart screams I am free!
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Some of what I've learned from Blue Like Jazz
This is just kind of the basis of what I've learned. I'm still praying to God asking Him how He wants me to describe in detail what parts of this book have helped me deal with big aspects in life.
I have come to love Jesus passionately. I love people, and I want to expose God's love to all people whom I run into; I’ve learned to prefer the company of all people. I'm learning to be humble & meek. I've learned that it's not a church or an institution that hurts people; people hurt people. I've learned that I shouldn't seem like I am selling Jesus to someone, but rather make it really truly known that I know Him. I’ve learned to embrace Christian spirituality. I've realized that what I feel I want most in life, just might kill me. I've realized the seeds of change in my life, and I thank God every day for those people. I've realized that mankind hurts me, not God. I’ve realized that the issue I see on the surface usually isn’t the base issue that lies way beneath. I’ve learned to apologize to others for mis-represting God and who God really wants me to be. I’ve learned to expose the real me, the me that God has invented. I’ve learned that God wants to shine his light on me. I know I have this gift from God in which I read people pretty easy, but I am learning to see in people’s eyes, the trueness of a story. I’ve realized that the issue of getting frustrated and angry with one another usually isn’t the reason we see, the issue is whether or not people respect each other, whether they will overcome the idea of liking each other. I’ve learned to not let anyone decide my value, that my value comes from God. I’ve been praying for all of my friends, all of my family, and all of the people I run into throughout each day that they will be able to receive love. I’ve realized that the most important thing that happens within Christian spirituality is when a person falls in love with Jesus. Jesus is something you feel! I’ve realized that God’s love will change me. I’ve learned that both the conversation from my mouth and my heart need to be true, because if they aren’t both true, then God is not involved in the exchange, and I am on my own and this will lead people astray. I’ve learned to not withhold love from anyone. I want people to know God’s love so bad. I’ve realized that if things were explained to me now, then it would defeat the point of being somewhere with God when I die, somewhere that wouldn’t make any sense if it were explained now. I’ve learned not to chart God. I’ve learned that my heart is really longing to worship, and that there is no better worship than wonder. I’ve learned to love and reach out to people as they are and not just accept them, because I don’t ever want someone to feel unvalued when they are around me. I understand that by not reaching out to people as they are, then I am betraying not only that person, but ultimately God, because that selfishness blocks me from sharing my faith and mis-represents who God really is. I’ve realized that being prideful, and passive aggressive about my feelings can really harm me and make me feel lonely on the inside. I've realized that if I believe something passionately, people will follow me. I've realized that Satan's best tactic is not to get me to do evil, but to get me to waste time which leads me astray from God and His will for my life. I've realized that belief is something that happens to me, it is something I decide upon. I've realized that it is better to have people love the real me, than the me I invented. I've realized that people learn that they are lovable or unlovable from other people; I realize why God says so many times to love each other. I've realized that there is no addiction so powerful as self addiction, which is what I was stuck in for so long. I've realized that if I am not willing to wake up in the morning and die to myself then maybe I should ask myself whether or not I am really following Jesus. I’ve realized that God is the security that I need to rest in. I've realized that hatred is the product of ignorance. I’ve realized I need to meet “the enemy” where they are. I’m learning to pour love on to other people lavishly. I've realized that it's not my responsibility to change somebody, that is God's, my part is to communicate love and approval. I'm learning to always receive God's unconditional love and grace; it's a beautiful thing to me and the feeling is great. God is reality, and just like the elements of a story, are the elements of life, and in the end, God is my hero, the One who is here to rescue me.
If you've read Blue Like Jazz, then you obviously realize a lot of what I said is from the book, but a lot of what I just said, is a lot of what I've learned and come to realize. =)
I have come to love Jesus passionately. I love people, and I want to expose God's love to all people whom I run into; I’ve learned to prefer the company of all people. I'm learning to be humble & meek. I've learned that it's not a church or an institution that hurts people; people hurt people. I've learned that I shouldn't seem like I am selling Jesus to someone, but rather make it really truly known that I know Him. I’ve learned to embrace Christian spirituality. I've realized that what I feel I want most in life, just might kill me. I've realized the seeds of change in my life, and I thank God every day for those people. I've realized that mankind hurts me, not God. I’ve realized that the issue I see on the surface usually isn’t the base issue that lies way beneath. I’ve learned to apologize to others for mis-represting God and who God really wants me to be. I’ve learned to expose the real me, the me that God has invented. I’ve learned that God wants to shine his light on me. I know I have this gift from God in which I read people pretty easy, but I am learning to see in people’s eyes, the trueness of a story. I’ve realized that the issue of getting frustrated and angry with one another usually isn’t the reason we see, the issue is whether or not people respect each other, whether they will overcome the idea of liking each other. I’ve learned to not let anyone decide my value, that my value comes from God. I’ve been praying for all of my friends, all of my family, and all of the people I run into throughout each day that they will be able to receive love. I’ve realized that the most important thing that happens within Christian spirituality is when a person falls in love with Jesus. Jesus is something you feel! I’ve realized that God’s love will change me. I’ve learned that both the conversation from my mouth and my heart need to be true, because if they aren’t both true, then God is not involved in the exchange, and I am on my own and this will lead people astray. I’ve learned to not withhold love from anyone. I want people to know God’s love so bad. I’ve realized that if things were explained to me now, then it would defeat the point of being somewhere with God when I die, somewhere that wouldn’t make any sense if it were explained now. I’ve learned not to chart God. I’ve learned that my heart is really longing to worship, and that there is no better worship than wonder. I’ve learned to love and reach out to people as they are and not just accept them, because I don’t ever want someone to feel unvalued when they are around me. I understand that by not reaching out to people as they are, then I am betraying not only that person, but ultimately God, because that selfishness blocks me from sharing my faith and mis-represents who God really is. I’ve realized that being prideful, and passive aggressive about my feelings can really harm me and make me feel lonely on the inside. I've realized that if I believe something passionately, people will follow me. I've realized that Satan's best tactic is not to get me to do evil, but to get me to waste time which leads me astray from God and His will for my life. I've realized that belief is something that happens to me, it is something I decide upon. I've realized that it is better to have people love the real me, than the me I invented. I've realized that people learn that they are lovable or unlovable from other people; I realize why God says so many times to love each other. I've realized that there is no addiction so powerful as self addiction, which is what I was stuck in for so long. I've realized that if I am not willing to wake up in the morning and die to myself then maybe I should ask myself whether or not I am really following Jesus. I’ve realized that God is the security that I need to rest in. I've realized that hatred is the product of ignorance. I’ve realized I need to meet “the enemy” where they are. I’m learning to pour love on to other people lavishly. I've realized that it's not my responsibility to change somebody, that is God's, my part is to communicate love and approval. I'm learning to always receive God's unconditional love and grace; it's a beautiful thing to me and the feeling is great. God is reality, and just like the elements of a story, are the elements of life, and in the end, God is my hero, the One who is here to rescue me.
If you've read Blue Like Jazz, then you obviously realize a lot of what I said is from the book, but a lot of what I just said, is a lot of what I've learned and come to realize. =)
Death
I once thought I was over the idea of death, you know not thinking that death is really forever, but it seems to me that because I am close to God again and seeking God so much more than ever that I've been having death on my mind a lot more. At times it's beautiful to me, I think---regarding my own death that is. I can't wait for the day that I leave this earth, the day that I fly away from here, when I am with God in heaven, now that I know I am on the verge of everlasting life and not everlasting death in hell, what ever form that hell may be. When I think about death now, I think about the song "I Fly Away" by Jars of Clay that my friend David introduced to me; It's great; It has become one of my favorites; This is the song that I want to be played at my memorial service when ever I leave this earth; I've been thinking about this topic, death, for about the last week and a half or so, because I feel comfortable thinking about it now. I know that I am being faithful to God now, and that I am not living that high volume sinful life style that I did before. Well this past Sunday my mom told me that an old friend of mine from high school, Sean-his father, Billy, had a seizure, and has been in the hospital since. Sean's parents are pretty good friends with my parents, although Sean and I don't really talk anymore. Well my mom told me yesterday that Sean's mom, Christy, told my mom it doesn't look good. Today my mom told me that Christy told her that Billy isn't going to make it. I've been praying about this entire situation since my mom told me he was in the hospital, and I mean really praying, and literally talking to God as if He was right in front of me, today especially. When I was running on the treadmill at the gym today, I was all sweaty, because I was half way into my run, and I was praying for Billy, and praying for Sean and his little brother, and Christy. I found my self so deep into prayer that tears began to fill up my eyes, and they were so indulging I had to let them run down my face. I felt so broken hearted, but I knew God was right by my side because I could feel His presence---I mean I was really feeling God's presence while I was running and praying. I finished my run and came home to get ready for work. I'm really broken up about this. On the drive to work I listened to Jeremy Camp's song titled "Walk by Faith" over and over again. This one part really stuck out to me while I was heading to work, it says "Well I'm broken, but I still see your face. Well you've spoken pouring your words of grace. Well I will walk by faith, even when I can not see. Well because this broken road, prepares your will for me." Although I am broken, and although Sean, his little brother, Christy, my mom, my dad, any one who knew Billy, and anyone in their family are all broken too, God will reveal Himself to them, and I pray that they will all see His face. It is so comforting that God is in our lives at all times, even during the times when you feel that He is not. I have had people I know from my life die before, multiple times, but this time has hit me a bit more hard than usual. I think because God has revealed to me that you really never know when your time is up on this earth. I have realized that no one is forever. In a way I think of it as, if everyone was forever, what would be the point of life?
And I completely understand when people say they are not willing to accept the fact that someone they have lost is really gone---because for me, when anyone close to me, usually a best friend, becomes truly distant and things aren't the same anymore, or things don't seem the same anymore, or you and that friend just simply stop talking, to me it is the worst feeling in the world; it tears me up inside; I understand that no one is forever, even in the concept of friendships, and I hate that, and it's something I think I will never overcome, but I know as long as I stay near to God, He will stay near to me. I really understand how some people feel about death, because I guess when you realize someone close to you is really gone it's hard to accept that, even years down the road, even more so if the reason that this someone is really gone is because of death.
Tonight my dad told me he went to the hospital to say his goodbye to Billy here on earth, and to talk with Christy, Sean and his little brother. He asked Christy if he could go by Bill's bedside and read him Psalm 23. I've never seen my dad cry much, but I know when he was reading that to Billy he teared up and surely some tears rolled down his face. I didn't ask him, but I know. Just so you who are reading this know, this is what Psalm 23 says: "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." This is one of the most beautiful verses ever.
This has also shown me another thing. I have always been the type to want to "wait for the perfect moment" to talk to someone about God; I'm done with that, because by doing that I might end up waiting too long for this so called "perfect moment" and then it'll be too late for sure. The perfect moment is now any moment for me. Life is seriously too short, and death seems to fall upon so many people randomely, when they least expect it.
"If you are not seeking to save them with fear, 'pulling them out of the fire, hating even the garment defiled by the flesh' (Jude 1:23), you are guilty of the serious crime of 'depraved indifference.'" (The Way of the Master - pg 6)
When you allow another human being to die when it's within your ability to save him, you are guilty of "depraved indifference." This is very true, and I will do my best to not let anyone within my ability die to this world; Instead, I will reveal to them who God really is and make it aware that God wants so badly to rescue them!
I know that "God offers freedom to those who recognize their sinful state and are broken by the realization that their spiritual poverty and bondage seperate them from a just and holy God." (The Way of the Master - pg 41)
I just want you to know that the freedom He offers is not freedom from the hardships of life. God does not create these hardships in our lives. The world does. God grants us freedom from the world, and wants us to realize that He is the One who comforts us in all times of life.
Psalm 56:13 ---"For you have delivered me from death and my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before God in the light of life."
And I completely understand when people say they are not willing to accept the fact that someone they have lost is really gone---because for me, when anyone close to me, usually a best friend, becomes truly distant and things aren't the same anymore, or things don't seem the same anymore, or you and that friend just simply stop talking, to me it is the worst feeling in the world; it tears me up inside; I understand that no one is forever, even in the concept of friendships, and I hate that, and it's something I think I will never overcome, but I know as long as I stay near to God, He will stay near to me. I really understand how some people feel about death, because I guess when you realize someone close to you is really gone it's hard to accept that, even years down the road, even more so if the reason that this someone is really gone is because of death.
Tonight my dad told me he went to the hospital to say his goodbye to Billy here on earth, and to talk with Christy, Sean and his little brother. He asked Christy if he could go by Bill's bedside and read him Psalm 23. I've never seen my dad cry much, but I know when he was reading that to Billy he teared up and surely some tears rolled down his face. I didn't ask him, but I know. Just so you who are reading this know, this is what Psalm 23 says: "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." This is one of the most beautiful verses ever.
This has also shown me another thing. I have always been the type to want to "wait for the perfect moment" to talk to someone about God; I'm done with that, because by doing that I might end up waiting too long for this so called "perfect moment" and then it'll be too late for sure. The perfect moment is now any moment for me. Life is seriously too short, and death seems to fall upon so many people randomely, when they least expect it.
"If you are not seeking to save them with fear, 'pulling them out of the fire, hating even the garment defiled by the flesh' (Jude 1:23), you are guilty of the serious crime of 'depraved indifference.'" (The Way of the Master - pg 6)
When you allow another human being to die when it's within your ability to save him, you are guilty of "depraved indifference." This is very true, and I will do my best to not let anyone within my ability die to this world; Instead, I will reveal to them who God really is and make it aware that God wants so badly to rescue them!
I know that "God offers freedom to those who recognize their sinful state and are broken by the realization that their spiritual poverty and bondage seperate them from a just and holy God." (The Way of the Master - pg 41)
I just want you to know that the freedom He offers is not freedom from the hardships of life. God does not create these hardships in our lives. The world does. God grants us freedom from the world, and wants us to realize that He is the One who comforts us in all times of life.
Psalm 56:13 ---"For you have delivered me from death and my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before God in the light of life."
Monday, June 1, 2009
June
So when I went to Mardel's bookstore Friday they had a tremendous amount of sales. I spent about $70.00 there, and got a lot with my money. It was probably the best $70.00 I have spent in a year! I bought this day by day for the year "inspirational thoughts" for each day that only cost me $6.00, because it was on the half off table when you first walk in along with most other books that I bought at Mardel's! I love that this day by day inspirational book doesn't say it's a devotional. I think that it is quite fascinating that the first page in this book says "inspirational thoughts for each day of the year." Well the title of this "devotional" is Grace For The Moment, and God is grace so I love it. I've been reading it every day since I bought it, and I think it's so much easier for me to read it each day because it is giving me "inspiration" of God, rather than making it seem like a tasky daily devotional that I must do before doing anything else, you know what I mean?
Since today is the month of June the first page that says "June," before the June
1st inspirational thought page, stood out to me. It has a black & white picture of leaves on some branches and the background is blurred out. I'd say that the picture looks somewhat depressing, but the verse that goes with it is outstanding! 2 Corinthians 4:18 says "What we see will last only a short time, but what we cannot see will last forever." Maybe that's why the leaves in the picture seem to be white, because the color doesn't last forever. Maybe that's why black and white photos seem to be so intriguing.
Just thought I'd put that out there!
Today is going to be a great day, because God has invited me to be with Him.
Your friend,
Rudy
Since today is the month of June the first page that says "June," before the June
1st inspirational thought page, stood out to me. It has a black & white picture of leaves on some branches and the background is blurred out. I'd say that the picture looks somewhat depressing, but the verse that goes with it is outstanding! 2 Corinthians 4:18 says "What we see will last only a short time, but what we cannot see will last forever." Maybe that's why the leaves in the picture seem to be white, because the color doesn't last forever. Maybe that's why black and white photos seem to be so intriguing.
Just thought I'd put that out there!
Today is going to be a great day, because God has invited me to be with Him.
Your friend,
Rudy
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