Death

I once thought I was over the idea of death, you know not thinking that death is really forever, but it seems to me that because I am close to God again and seeking God so much more than ever that I've been having death on my mind a lot more. At times it's beautiful to me, I think---regarding my own death that is. I can't wait for the day that I leave this earth, the day that I fly away from here, when I am with God in heaven, now that I know I am on the verge of everlasting life and not everlasting death in hell, what ever form that hell may be. When I think about death now, I think about the song "I Fly Away" by Jars of Clay that my friend David introduced to me; It's great; It has become one of my favorites; This is the song that I want to be played at my memorial service when ever I leave this earth; I've been thinking about this topic, death, for about the last week and a half or so, because I feel comfortable thinking about it now. I know that I am being faithful to God now, and that I am not living that high volume sinful life style that I did before. Well this past Sunday my mom told me that an old friend of mine from high school, Sean-his father, Billy, had a seizure, and has been in the hospital since. Sean's parents are pretty good friends with my parents, although Sean and I don't really talk anymore. Well my mom told me yesterday that Sean's mom, Christy, told my mom it doesn't look good. Today my mom told me that Christy told her that Billy isn't going to make it. I've been praying about this entire situation since my mom told me he was in the hospital, and I mean really praying, and literally talking to God as if He was right in front of me, today especially. When I was running on the treadmill at the gym today, I was all sweaty, because I was half way into my run, and I was praying for Billy, and praying for Sean and his little brother, and Christy. I found my self so deep into prayer that tears began to fill up my eyes, and they were so indulging I had to let them run down my face. I felt so broken hearted, but I knew God was right by my side because I could feel His presence---I mean I was really feeling God's presence while I was running and praying. I finished my run and came home to get ready for work. I'm really broken up about this. On the drive to work I listened to Jeremy Camp's song titled "Walk by Faith" over and over again. This one part really stuck out to me while I was heading to work, it says "Well I'm broken, but I still see your face. Well you've spoken pouring your words of grace. Well I will walk by faith, even when I can not see. Well because this broken road, prepares your will for me." Although I am broken, and although Sean, his little brother, Christy, my mom, my dad, any one who knew Billy, and anyone in their family are all broken too, God will reveal Himself to them, and I pray that they will all see His face. It is so comforting that God is in our lives at all times, even during the times when you feel that He is not. I have had people I know from my life die before, multiple times, but this time has hit me a bit more hard than usual. I think because God has revealed to me that you really never know when your time is up on this earth. I have realized that no one is forever. In a way I think of it as, if everyone was forever, what would be the point of life?
And I completely understand when people say they are not willing to accept the fact that someone they have lost is really gone---because for me, when anyone close to me, usually a best friend, becomes truly distant and things aren't the same anymore, or things don't seem the same anymore, or you and that friend just simply stop talking, to me it is the worst feeling in the world; it tears me up inside; I understand that no one is forever, even in the concept of friendships, and I hate that, and it's something I think I will never overcome, but I know as long as I stay near to God, He will stay near to me. I really understand how some people feel about death, because I guess when you realize someone close to you is really gone it's hard to accept that, even years down the road, even more so if the reason that this someone is really gone is because of death.

Tonight my dad told me he went to the hospital to say his goodbye to Billy here on earth, and to talk with Christy, Sean and his little brother. He asked Christy if he could go by Bill's bedside and read him Psalm 23. I've never seen my dad cry much, but I know when he was reading that to Billy he teared up and surely some tears rolled down his face. I didn't ask him, but I know. Just so you who are reading this know, this is what Psalm 23 says: "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." This is one of the most beautiful verses ever.

This has also shown me another thing. I have always been the type to want to "wait for the perfect moment" to talk to someone about God; I'm done with that, because by doing that I might end up waiting too long for this so called "perfect moment" and then it'll be too late for sure. The perfect moment is now any moment for me. Life is seriously too short, and death seems to fall upon so many people randomely, when they least expect it.

"If you are not seeking to save them with fear, 'pulling them out of the fire, hating even the garment defiled by the flesh' (Jude 1:23), you are guilty of the serious crime of 'depraved indifference.'" (The Way of the Master - pg 6)
When you allow another human being to die when it's within your ability to save him, you are guilty of "depraved indifference." This is very true, and I will do my best to not let anyone within my ability die to this world; Instead, I will reveal to them who God really is and make it aware that God wants so badly to rescue them!

I know that "God offers freedom to those who recognize their sinful state and are broken by the realization that their spiritual poverty and bondage seperate them from a just and holy God." (The Way of the Master - pg 41)
I just want you to know that the freedom He offers is not freedom from the hardships of life. God does not create these hardships in our lives. The world does. God grants us freedom from the world, and wants us to realize that He is the One who comforts us in all times of life.

Psalm 56:13 ---"For you have delivered me from death and my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before God in the light of life."