When ever you feel that you cannot make it or have a negative thought, know that God has an answer for all of your thoughts!
You say: 'I'm afraid'
God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear!
(II Timothy 1:7)
You say: 'It's impossible'
God says: All things are possible!
(Luke 18:27)
You say:'I'm too tired'
God says: I will give you rest!
(Matthew 11:28-30)
You say: 'Nobody really loves me'
God says: I love you!
(John 3:16 & John 3:34 )
You say: 'I can't go on'
God says: My grace is sufficient!
(II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)
You say: 'I can't figure things out'
God says: I will direct your steps!
(Proverbs 3:5-6)
You say:'I can't do it'
God says: You can do all things !
( Philippians 4:13)
You say: 'I'm not able'
God says: I am able!
(II Corinthians 9:8)!
You say: 'It's not worth it'
God says: It will be worth it!
(Roman 8:28 )
You say: 'I can't forgive my self'
God says: I Forgive you!
(I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)
You say: 'I can't manage'
God says: I will supply all your needs!
( Phil ippians 4:19)
You say: 'I'm always worried and frustrated'
God says: Cast all your cares on ME!
(I Peter 5:7)
You say: 'I'm not smart enough'
God says: I give you wisdom!
(I Corinthians 1:30)
You say: 'I feel all alone'
God says: I will never leave you or forsake you!
(Hebrews 13:5)
Thanks to my friend Ryan S. for sharing this with me!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Friendships/fear/jealousy/God in the midst of it all
Recently I have been thinking about a lot things-friendships being one of these things. I have realized that over the years I have had many friends. Looking back, would I consider these friends real friends, or did they even consider me a real friend?
Everyone knows that sometimes when you become good/best friends with someone you eventually assume that you and that friend will be friens for the remainder of your life just because of the way things may seem. Things go so good for a while, but then life gets in the middle of it all and that friendship may seem to fade away and eventually disappear. I hate that feeling. Even when you mention it to that person how you feel about it all, they may respond with, well remember the good times, that's all that matters and we will always be friends. This has happened to me recently with a friend who I never really talked to a lot this semester. Life caught the best of us, but when that is said to me I never seem to trust it. I guess you can say I feel scared about the entire situation. To be honest any friendship I have that is with a best friend I always feel scared about. I have always been scared of being rejected, or letting the best of life get in the middle of it all and allowing my relationships to fade away. Mostly because when I was in 8th grade year when my sister basically left in the middle of the day, the day before my birthday, and went back to Chicago without telling anyone anything. My sister and I were very close, and still are today, but when she left I felt rejected, more than ever before. I felt alone and just left hanging. I mean we were best friends, we told each other everything. She never even said good-bye or told me Happy Birthday before she left. This was the biggest rejection I have ever felt through out my life. As an 8th grader, 12 years old, you may think that you don't completely realize the details of everything that is going on, but I did realize it. I knew the exact emotion that I felt when I came home and saw that all of her stuff was gone. I wasn't sad or angry; I simply felt completely rejected. I began to allow that rejection to become my fear. Fear is not something that I should allow in my life, but I always have allowed it to take over a big portion of my life.
Although I have forgiven my sister, I have still allowed that fear of rejection to take over my life. I have done so many things in life to try and impress people or try and "fit in." Sometimes, looking back I wonder why would I allow my self to do that? Why would I let fear take over MY life? While my sister wants to pretend that her life is all jolly, I am sitting around wondering why I have always felt this huge burden of fear over my life. I have allowed so many friendships to crash and burn, because I allowed fear to take over many aspects of my life- especially my friendships. I realy wish that every good friend that I make in life will always be there, but in reality not everyone will, in which I have learned this the hardest way possible. Sometimes I regret allowing myself to let fear take charge, and not let God take charge. I did allow God to completely take over my life at one point in my life, but I slowly let Satan seep through the small wounds in my life that have not been properly sealed. I have been seeking God out so much lately on my friendships, and asking Him what I need to do to not feel this way, and tonight I have realized that it is simply fear- I am to not allow fear take over any aspect of my life anymore. I understand that not every friend will stay in my life for ever, but that I need to just cherish the time I have now with all of my frends, before it's too late, and I miss out on a good friendship in life, because I was too focused on my fear. I have now realized why I always feel as if I will eventually be rejected by the good friends that I have or have had in the past- simply because of fear.
I not only allowed the feeling of rejection to turn into my fear, but I allowed my fear to turn into jealousy as well. I see my best friends relationships with other people, and I assume that is how my relationship with that friend should be, but that is merely jealousy with fear and fear with rejection; the fear of losing that friend because I may not do something that one of their other friends does. I now realize why I have lossed friendships in the passed. The same thing with my friends and their sisters/brothers. I see how close they are to their siblings, because they are able to, their siblings are around, and I allow jealousy to take over my mind and then right with that fear comes in, and then I allow that to hurt my heart and think back to the day I was rejected by my own. I will no longer be thinking that way. I have let the rejection turn into fear and allow jealousy to step in as well. Like a friend said-they all coincide.
As my friend David stated in his blog that he posted earlier today, "Through this fear that is found in jealousy, you'll actually see it to start push people away from your life instead of keeping them there." That is a big thing that kind of hit me the most from his blog about Jealousy-Fear. It is so true, because I have experienced that! I allowed the jealousy/fear take over my mind and life, and that pushed people away from me rather than draw then towards me, and that is something I never want to happen in my life EVER again! I am determined to continue seeking God, and allow Him to begin taking over my life once again, like before!
God, To you I give my life, Not just the parts I want to; To you I sacrifice, these dreams that I hold on to, To you I give my future, because your thoughts are higher than mine, because your words are deeper than mine, because your love is stronger than mine....This is no sacrifice, Here is my life!
1 John 4:18
"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."
Everyone knows that sometimes when you become good/best friends with someone you eventually assume that you and that friend will be friens for the remainder of your life just because of the way things may seem. Things go so good for a while, but then life gets in the middle of it all and that friendship may seem to fade away and eventually disappear. I hate that feeling. Even when you mention it to that person how you feel about it all, they may respond with, well remember the good times, that's all that matters and we will always be friends. This has happened to me recently with a friend who I never really talked to a lot this semester. Life caught the best of us, but when that is said to me I never seem to trust it. I guess you can say I feel scared about the entire situation. To be honest any friendship I have that is with a best friend I always feel scared about. I have always been scared of being rejected, or letting the best of life get in the middle of it all and allowing my relationships to fade away. Mostly because when I was in 8th grade year when my sister basically left in the middle of the day, the day before my birthday, and went back to Chicago without telling anyone anything. My sister and I were very close, and still are today, but when she left I felt rejected, more than ever before. I felt alone and just left hanging. I mean we were best friends, we told each other everything. She never even said good-bye or told me Happy Birthday before she left. This was the biggest rejection I have ever felt through out my life. As an 8th grader, 12 years old, you may think that you don't completely realize the details of everything that is going on, but I did realize it. I knew the exact emotion that I felt when I came home and saw that all of her stuff was gone. I wasn't sad or angry; I simply felt completely rejected. I began to allow that rejection to become my fear. Fear is not something that I should allow in my life, but I always have allowed it to take over a big portion of my life.
Although I have forgiven my sister, I have still allowed that fear of rejection to take over my life. I have done so many things in life to try and impress people or try and "fit in." Sometimes, looking back I wonder why would I allow my self to do that? Why would I let fear take over MY life? While my sister wants to pretend that her life is all jolly, I am sitting around wondering why I have always felt this huge burden of fear over my life. I have allowed so many friendships to crash and burn, because I allowed fear to take over many aspects of my life- especially my friendships. I realy wish that every good friend that I make in life will always be there, but in reality not everyone will, in which I have learned this the hardest way possible. Sometimes I regret allowing myself to let fear take charge, and not let God take charge. I did allow God to completely take over my life at one point in my life, but I slowly let Satan seep through the small wounds in my life that have not been properly sealed. I have been seeking God out so much lately on my friendships, and asking Him what I need to do to not feel this way, and tonight I have realized that it is simply fear- I am to not allow fear take over any aspect of my life anymore. I understand that not every friend will stay in my life for ever, but that I need to just cherish the time I have now with all of my frends, before it's too late, and I miss out on a good friendship in life, because I was too focused on my fear. I have now realized why I always feel as if I will eventually be rejected by the good friends that I have or have had in the past- simply because of fear.
I not only allowed the feeling of rejection to turn into my fear, but I allowed my fear to turn into jealousy as well. I see my best friends relationships with other people, and I assume that is how my relationship with that friend should be, but that is merely jealousy with fear and fear with rejection; the fear of losing that friend because I may not do something that one of their other friends does. I now realize why I have lossed friendships in the passed. The same thing with my friends and their sisters/brothers. I see how close they are to their siblings, because they are able to, their siblings are around, and I allow jealousy to take over my mind and then right with that fear comes in, and then I allow that to hurt my heart and think back to the day I was rejected by my own. I will no longer be thinking that way. I have let the rejection turn into fear and allow jealousy to step in as well. Like a friend said-they all coincide.
As my friend David stated in his blog that he posted earlier today, "Through this fear that is found in jealousy, you'll actually see it to start push people away from your life instead of keeping them there." That is a big thing that kind of hit me the most from his blog about Jealousy-Fear. It is so true, because I have experienced that! I allowed the jealousy/fear take over my mind and life, and that pushed people away from me rather than draw then towards me, and that is something I never want to happen in my life EVER again! I am determined to continue seeking God, and allow Him to begin taking over my life once again, like before!
God, To you I give my life, Not just the parts I want to; To you I sacrifice, these dreams that I hold on to, To you I give my future, because your thoughts are higher than mine, because your words are deeper than mine, because your love is stronger than mine....This is no sacrifice, Here is my life!
1 John 4:18
"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."
Sunday, April 19, 2009
The World & Discrimination
Tonight I have realized how ridiculous Americans can be. Tonight some have spoken. At the hotel that I work at, we had a huge Islam group there. The group was there to hold a fundraiser in our biggest ball room. They also took up three other banquet rooms that we have in the hotel. The group had their huge prayer at sunset in the very back of our lobby, which we were fine with. The group paid for their space in the hotel, and all they are doing is praying, so I don't see the big deal. While this was happening the MAVS vs. Spurs game is on tonight, and we have a ton of people in the lobby watching it. After the prayer was over, a lot of the people from the Islam group that were there decided to watch the game in our lobby, because we have a huge flat screen TV in there. Well not but ten minutes later I had a lot of guests coming up to me telling me that they are offended, because the Islams prayed in our hotel. They said "we paid for our rooms upstairs and I don't see why they can just pray in here. Everyone I am with is highly offended by this. This is private property. We should feel comfortable in the lobby, and quite frankly we do not feel comfortable at all. And why are their kids near the bar area it's against TABC rules." They are right, but their parents were with them, and they weren't sitting AT the bar, they were sitting in our lounge. This lady was just upset because they were part of the Islam group. These ladies continued on to say that "this is America and if we can't say God Bless America or sing our Star Spangled Banner in the lobby, then they shouldn't be able to pray." I went on to say, “Well how come you didn't sing the Star Spangled Banner. This is America, you do have the right to do so, just as they have the right to pray. They can sit in the lounge all they want, they are no different from you.” The lady just walked away from the front desk, and continued watching the MAVS game. She kept leaving the lounge and walking by the front desk, and wouldn't even look at me, so of course she maybe felt somewhat shameful of her self. Well 30 minutes later she walked by the desk with her other friends and said "I can't take this shit anymore I am going upstairs." I said okay.
I also had a guy who came to the desk and said "why are there so many dot heads in the lobby by the bar area. They shouldn't be near alcohol anyway. Where am I supposed to sit with my family and have some drinks and watch the game." I told them that they could go in the restaurant and have their drinks in there if they were in fat that offended by our Islamic guests that were sitting in our lobby. I also went on to tell him that he needs to get his facts straight if he wants to talk about people, when ignorant people like you call someone a dot head they are supposed to be referring to Hindu people, not Islams; Muslims who praticing the Islam religion wear hijabs. So before you want to discriminate someone make sure you actually know what you are talking about!!" He was furious, but I could care less! That was very disrespectful, and he made himself look like an ass. I have Islam and Hindu friends, so what they were saying HIGHLY offended me, because they were being such close minded ingorant assholes.
I realize why there is so much hate in this world. Islam is a religion just as Christianity is or any other religion. Why does it matter if they pray in the back of our lobby? If it were Christians in the back praying they wouldn't have said anything or not had such a big problem with it. This country is still full of discrimination, and now I see why other countries don't like most of Americans opinions. If this is America, and we are supposed to feel comfortable and free, then why did that lady ever bring that up. She obviously is being biased, because she is not allowing others to feel the same freedom as her. It’s like Americans now and day only want SOME people to feel free or comfortable and no one else, and this isn’t the way it should be! This is why there is so much chaos! Islam people should be able to feel comfortable to pray where ever they please, I mean this is America right-the land of the free. This lady that was appalled by what our Islam guests were doing, and she was very big on the fact of this being America. If she wants freedom than why only give it to the white person? How come it mattered if the Islam guests prayed in our lobby? It should NOT matter. Everyone has their own religion, opinions, and life styles. It is disturbing to me how people in this world say that they are tired of discrimination. "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the plank from the other person's eye" (Matthew 7:5). I think people like that need to take the plank out of their eye, before they try and say that there is too much discrimination in this world. It is appalling to me how people are now and days. It seems this problem has gotten a lot worse than people think. Then they wonder why this world is so screwed up. No one can get along, because they think that their opinion matters most!
Hypothetically speaking, we have the Republican white person who wants to continuously bitch about others religions and how they shouldn't be any other religion but Christianity, because all other ways of religion are all wrong. BUT then we have the Christian who says that gay people shouldn't be living the lifestyle that they live, that being gay is completely wrong and they are going to hell because of it. Then that turns the gay people away from Christians, when in essence, aren't the Christians supposed to draw people towards them so that they can show others who God really is….not by discriminating others and saying what they are doing is ALL wrong. So now we have gay people that stereo type all Christians because of those few Christians who have looked down upon them because of who they are and what they believe in.
I can continue on forever, but you get my drift-it seems like the domino effect to me in this world. I am disgusted with how people in this world act and how they are treating others. It is ridiculous beyond belief. If we all just accepted others as they are, I think that the world would get along much better than it does right now!
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference!!
I wish everyone would go by that....
I also had a guy who came to the desk and said "why are there so many dot heads in the lobby by the bar area. They shouldn't be near alcohol anyway. Where am I supposed to sit with my family and have some drinks and watch the game." I told them that they could go in the restaurant and have their drinks in there if they were in fat that offended by our Islamic guests that were sitting in our lobby. I also went on to tell him that he needs to get his facts straight if he wants to talk about people, when ignorant people like you call someone a dot head they are supposed to be referring to Hindu people, not Islams; Muslims who praticing the Islam religion wear hijabs. So before you want to discriminate someone make sure you actually know what you are talking about!!" He was furious, but I could care less! That was very disrespectful, and he made himself look like an ass. I have Islam and Hindu friends, so what they were saying HIGHLY offended me, because they were being such close minded ingorant assholes.
I realize why there is so much hate in this world. Islam is a religion just as Christianity is or any other religion. Why does it matter if they pray in the back of our lobby? If it were Christians in the back praying they wouldn't have said anything or not had such a big problem with it. This country is still full of discrimination, and now I see why other countries don't like most of Americans opinions. If this is America, and we are supposed to feel comfortable and free, then why did that lady ever bring that up. She obviously is being biased, because she is not allowing others to feel the same freedom as her. It’s like Americans now and day only want SOME people to feel free or comfortable and no one else, and this isn’t the way it should be! This is why there is so much chaos! Islam people should be able to feel comfortable to pray where ever they please, I mean this is America right-the land of the free. This lady that was appalled by what our Islam guests were doing, and she was very big on the fact of this being America. If she wants freedom than why only give it to the white person? How come it mattered if the Islam guests prayed in our lobby? It should NOT matter. Everyone has their own religion, opinions, and life styles. It is disturbing to me how people in this world say that they are tired of discrimination. "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the plank from the other person's eye" (Matthew 7:5). I think people like that need to take the plank out of their eye, before they try and say that there is too much discrimination in this world. It is appalling to me how people are now and days. It seems this problem has gotten a lot worse than people think. Then they wonder why this world is so screwed up. No one can get along, because they think that their opinion matters most!
Hypothetically speaking, we have the Republican white person who wants to continuously bitch about others religions and how they shouldn't be any other religion but Christianity, because all other ways of religion are all wrong. BUT then we have the Christian who says that gay people shouldn't be living the lifestyle that they live, that being gay is completely wrong and they are going to hell because of it. Then that turns the gay people away from Christians, when in essence, aren't the Christians supposed to draw people towards them so that they can show others who God really is….not by discriminating others and saying what they are doing is ALL wrong. So now we have gay people that stereo type all Christians because of those few Christians who have looked down upon them because of who they are and what they believe in.
I can continue on forever, but you get my drift-it seems like the domino effect to me in this world. I am disgusted with how people in this world act and how they are treating others. It is ridiculous beyond belief. If we all just accepted others as they are, I think that the world would get along much better than it does right now!
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference!!
I wish everyone would go by that....
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Struggles With Sin
A friend of mine encouraged me to read Romans 7&8. So tonight I decided to read it. It explains the struggles man has with sin. It asks, "is the law sin? Certainly not!....But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of covetous deisre. For apart from law, sin is dead. Once I was alive apart from law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died." Romans 7:7-10. So I am a slave that has been sold into sin.
"For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me" (Romans 7:15-17).
I have always had the desire to do what is good, but it's just the fact that I could not carry it out. I wanted the relationship that I used to have with God, but I let the sin inside of me take control of me. All of the stuff in life that I have done is not the good I want to do, but the evil that I do not want to do, I keep on doing. It is sin that has been living in me that does. I have realized that when I want to do good, evil is right there with me. God instilled in us to delight in Him, but the sins of law, of man, of the world, take control of what one really wants to do. We are the prisoners of our own mistakes, of our own lives. People who don't understand the mercy of God seem to wonder who can rescue them, and they look towards other things to rescue them. They allow the dead sin that sits inside of them to take control of their lives rather than God. Over the last year and a half/two years, I have strayed away more than ever. I allowed the sin inside of me that is to stay dead, live. I have allowed the sin to live within me. I have always had Christ in me as well, but "as Christ [lies within me, my] body is dead because of sin, yet [my] spirit is alive because of righteousness" (Romans 8:10).
Without the righteousness in my spirit, the spirit dies and that allows the sin to take over and rise up within me, altering my thoughts, judgements, decisions, and life. "Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires" (Romans 8:5).
Romans 8 continues on to say that "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose."
I obviously was stuck in my own sin, allowing it to live within me, and not acknowleding God in any way at all. With sin our opportunities seize and disappear! God must bring us to our knees, and allow us to lay it all down to Him. Whether it is our fifth time to come back to God or our first, God accepts us as we are, and wants us to lay our entire lives down to Him, and let Him take control. He is the light to my day; I (my spirit) belong(s) to God.
We as humans, are dead to sin. It is up to us to let it live or not, because of God's free will.
"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 6:23).
"For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me" (Romans 7:15-17).
I have always had the desire to do what is good, but it's just the fact that I could not carry it out. I wanted the relationship that I used to have with God, but I let the sin inside of me take control of me. All of the stuff in life that I have done is not the good I want to do, but the evil that I do not want to do, I keep on doing. It is sin that has been living in me that does. I have realized that when I want to do good, evil is right there with me. God instilled in us to delight in Him, but the sins of law, of man, of the world, take control of what one really wants to do. We are the prisoners of our own mistakes, of our own lives. People who don't understand the mercy of God seem to wonder who can rescue them, and they look towards other things to rescue them. They allow the dead sin that sits inside of them to take control of their lives rather than God. Over the last year and a half/two years, I have strayed away more than ever. I allowed the sin inside of me that is to stay dead, live. I have allowed the sin to live within me. I have always had Christ in me as well, but "as Christ [lies within me, my] body is dead because of sin, yet [my] spirit is alive because of righteousness" (Romans 8:10).
Without the righteousness in my spirit, the spirit dies and that allows the sin to take over and rise up within me, altering my thoughts, judgements, decisions, and life. "Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires" (Romans 8:5).
Romans 8 continues on to say that "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose."
I obviously was stuck in my own sin, allowing it to live within me, and not acknowleding God in any way at all. With sin our opportunities seize and disappear! God must bring us to our knees, and allow us to lay it all down to Him. Whether it is our fifth time to come back to God or our first, God accepts us as we are, and wants us to lay our entire lives down to Him, and let Him take control. He is the light to my day; I (my spirit) belong(s) to God.
We as humans, are dead to sin. It is up to us to let it live or not, because of God's free will.
"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 6:23).
Handing it over to God
I have recently talked with a couple of friends over the last day, and they are going through some situations in life that they simply don't have too much control over. Some want to hand it over to God, some do not. Some simply feel that it is too tough to hand things over to God. As I have said in my other blog, I have not been close to God over the last year, maybe going on two years. Over the last 10 months I obviously had a problem and I did not want to hand it over to God. It's tought. But then there is always something that happens in life and you realize, well damn I think this is God talking to me, nudging at me telling me I need to talk to Him, I need to pray to Him, that he wants to take control of my situations in life. I do agree with my friends that it is very tough. It's ironic that even the friends with such strong faith in God even have a hard time dealing with this issue of handing it over to God. Maybe it's something that God has instilled in us, or maybe it's definitly the fact that He did give us free will. God gave us the free will to allow him to handle situations. We have to be humble and show humility towards God in order to do this! It is pride that holds us from allowing God to step into these situations in our life that obviously hold us from solving these problems. God says he wants us to lay down our pride. Proverbs 11:2 says that "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." So as we lay down our pride and be humble, God will step in and give us the wisdom to handle the status of these situations that are beyond our control.
Proverbs 18:12 "Before his downfall a man's heart is proud, but humility comes before honor."
Proverbs 18:12 "Before his downfall a man's heart is proud, but humility comes before honor."
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Re-Evaluation
So over the last week, I have been trying to re-evaluate things in my life. For example, drinking. I have decided not to drink to get drunk anymore. Since I have decided that about two weeks ago, I have only had ONE drink. I now feel a lot better, and I seem to get so much more done through out the days. Over the course of the last ten months I feel as if those last ten months barely ever existed, as if they were just memories drifted away into the thin air that we breathe. I now feel good mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Over the last two weeks, I have been in the greatest of moods, and I couldn't ask for more.
Another thing that has been bothering me a lot are expectations. I always feel like others around me expect so much out of me. It is how I have always felt through out my life. I try and try to do the best that I can every day to impress others. Now, in my mind, why does it matter? I feel as if they are meaningless. I have also come to the realization that doing this annoys me; I can only imagine what my friends around me feel when I act this way.Will my impressions on people matter in the end when I die and am no longer living on Earth. I believe impressions are good, but they are not necessary enough for one to feel as if they must try and impress the people you call your best friends or family on a daily basis. If they really are your best friends or your family, what you do with your life should not matter, as long as it is not detrimental to your life.
Trust is a big factor with in any relationships-friendships, dating, or business related. Without trust nothing can be productive. When one finds out the other is not always completely honest or trustworthy, what is the point of that relationship that person may think. It does create a bit of a gap between the two now, but that one who is not completely trustworthy must work on that, and build that part of your relationship back up. If you choose not to, or be negligent towards this factor, then your relationships will soon crumble. The point is that if obviously someone is pointing this out to you, it is something you must work on immediately. One must be completely honest in order to allow their relationships to prosper and be continuous.
God- So as many people know, my freshman year of high school I was really into God. I had a fantastic relationship with Him. After freshman year, I began to completely drift away from God and His ways. My state of mind changed, my daily routine changed, what I listened to from around the world changed. My state of mind drastically changed on a lot of aspects in life. Not many of you who are reading this know, but in my mind, I feel as if I have been "church damaged." There was an incident that totally altered my mind about people within the chruch that I went to with my parents since I moved to Texas from Chicago. The people that I felt were the closest to me betrayed me. They made up stories about a certain incident, and even try to put the blame entirely on me. Naturally, the parents of those would believe their own children. These parents were good friends with my parents. These were the people who always told me, "Rudy if you ever need anything we are here for you" "Rudy if you need to talk let us know, we have all the time in the world" "Rudy you are an awesome young man of God" After this incident these were the people who made me feel not welcome anymore. Things were talked about, 90% of it not being true that those people may still believe is true which is sad, because they are supposed to be the loving people of God. This is what made me completely angry. The people who made it seem like I would always be safe when being at church or being around their families, the ones who told me "Rudy if you ever need anything we are here for you, we love you" were the same ones who condemned me. These were the same ones who started to get second thoughts of who I "really" was, and I am thinking to my self, shouldn't I be the one getting the second thoughts of them. Aren't they the ones who acted even more fake than they already were after the incident. They were the ones trying to keep my head straight for God other than my parents. Because of that, I havn't felt the presence of God in that church ever since I have gone there again. I left that church from under my parents, and began searching for another. Prior to this there were several other incidents, but by this time I surrender and allow them to be satisfied with their own selves. So this time it wasn't my first time searching for another church. I finally found one that I enjoyed going to, and I felt God's presence every time I was there. I made some pretty good friends there, and I can stay that I still hold on to those friendships with out a doubt. Even though I stopped going that church because lately I have strayed away from God, I still keep those relationships with the friends that I made there. The reason I stopped going to church there was because I simply just got burnt out with how I lived my life for God. I was burnt out from trying to find that one place that I could honestly feel that some people there notice me, and some people relate to me. A lot of what keeps our eyes gazed towards God, is the relationships we have that help us stay in that gaze towards Him. Without those relationships, there is no church, because a church is just a building. I recently went back to a church that is close to where I usually am at- near Richardson. I liked it a lot, but I havn't got to know the people well yet, because I have only gone once. The main reason I am explaining this is because I feel that the background of my relationship status with God includes all of the above on this topic. So basically, college started and I strayed away from God more than ever before. I was completely into partying and not caring about anything but that. I was drunk 90% of the time in the last ten months. I gained a lot of weight because of all of the drinking that I have been doing, and obviously sometimes when you're drunk you like to eat late at night and that I did. Two weeks ago I started feeling some complications with my chest. It felt as if someone was squeezing the hell out of my heart, and I definitly knew that something was wrong with me. Well the doctor in the hospital said it was some virus. He gave me medicine for it, and I guess the virus is away. I also went to my own personal doctor and got blood work done. I was fine. Since the time I went to the ER I stopped drinking, and like I said above I have felt so much better. Over the last week I have also tried my hardest to seek God out again. I did anything. I talked with God, I listened to praise and worship music, I prayed every night which was something that I hadn't done in a while. To my amazement, God was listening to me. Fantastic! So many things have come my way over the last week. My heart has been feeling fine, I feel so much more out going about life, my mind has been more open to others thoughts than just my own though I still struggle with this, I got a huge promotion at work in which I thought I woudn't get for a while. A friend of mine and I had a conversation the other night and it was brilliant. Me and him are on the same page about huge "mega churches" or even going to church in general. You don't need 8,000 people to have a church. Without true, real, down to earth, honest people who you can fellowship with and be completely honest with, there is NO CHURCH. The people make up the church, and God instills into each person the ability to fellowship with one another be there for each other to allow them to continue pressing on forward towards God. This can be any where. I can have church in my room, in my car, in a field, or at work. It does not matter if one goes to church; it is simply the relationships that you have with one another to aspire one another to continue having a strong relationship with God. I couldn't be more clear than that, and this is my story on church, and my development with the relationship I yearn for with God. As my friend mentioned last night about what Jesus said, "this is my command; love each other" John 15:17. My friend said that God truly desires for his followers to love one another and not have their focus on the entire world; God wants us to love who we know- our enemies, friends, family, the single mothers that we know, the broken people that we know that are around us daily. We must focus on them before/rather the entire world. ------"Jesus said love one another, not the entire world" -Mother Teresa
I have friends now that don't live their lives for God as I did when I was a freshman. I don't believe that is is necesarry for everyone to have a relationship with God the way I did when I was a freshman in high school. Everyone has their own way of loving God, the way I do it is my own personal way, just as everyone else. I know there is a God, I know what can come about in my life for seeking God out. Not everyone may agree; I am sure I have friends who will read this and not agree with a lot of what I say, but that is their own opinion. I don't dog on any one elses personal beliefs about anything in life, and I think that is the way it should be with any one. Having a relationship with God is just something that I haven't had in the last couple of years, recently especially.
A lot of people in life need some kind of relaxation. Some where to get away for just a minute. Over Spring Break I went to Puerto Rico. Although I was drunk every night it was good to just be away. When I got back I felt so relaxed and just refreshed, but I still needed something more than just a trip to get drunk on. I needed something to let my mind just go free for a semi long period of time. I recently went on a road trip with a great friend of mine to Kansas. You are probably asking your self, Kansas? Why the hell would someone want to go there. When my friend told me she was driving to Kansas for a day I said awesome I'm in. So I went. The night before we had a brillaint conversation, and I enjoyed it. My time spent with her on the road was also brilliant. Just being able to keep driving and driving relaxes me. Being in her ultra tiny small town of only 700 people, it was soothing to me. I have never been in a town of just that many people. I am from the big city-Chicago. Why in God's world what I go there- well because I knew it would relax me and chill me out, because I know that I needed it. As I was riding around in the car with my friend I just looked around at everything. I was amazed at the calm life style every one had in this area. Traffic consisted of 4 cars at a stop light. Very young kids could just sit at the corner and play games with one another and while the 18 wheeler passes by they signal for the truck driver to honk. Just the innocence of these kids amazed me. I suddenly realized that I yearn to have the heart of a child again. I have been so caught up with the technicalities of life, that I have lost any sense to just feel free to enjoy life, rather than always worry about something going wrong or worry what people will think of every single one of my actions, because like I said above, what does it matter when we all die what others think. After a quick stop to just enjoy the breezy sunny fields in the middle of no where, I felt completely refreshed, and I won't forget those kids that are able to feel naturally safe playing games at the corner with other friends.
Re-evaluating life has never felt more refreshing as it has been over the course of this last week.
These have been my thoughts over the last week and if you would, let me know what you think.
Feedback is always accepted :D
Another thing that has been bothering me a lot are expectations. I always feel like others around me expect so much out of me. It is how I have always felt through out my life. I try and try to do the best that I can every day to impress others. Now, in my mind, why does it matter? I feel as if they are meaningless. I have also come to the realization that doing this annoys me; I can only imagine what my friends around me feel when I act this way.Will my impressions on people matter in the end when I die and am no longer living on Earth. I believe impressions are good, but they are not necessary enough for one to feel as if they must try and impress the people you call your best friends or family on a daily basis. If they really are your best friends or your family, what you do with your life should not matter, as long as it is not detrimental to your life.
Trust is a big factor with in any relationships-friendships, dating, or business related. Without trust nothing can be productive. When one finds out the other is not always completely honest or trustworthy, what is the point of that relationship that person may think. It does create a bit of a gap between the two now, but that one who is not completely trustworthy must work on that, and build that part of your relationship back up. If you choose not to, or be negligent towards this factor, then your relationships will soon crumble. The point is that if obviously someone is pointing this out to you, it is something you must work on immediately. One must be completely honest in order to allow their relationships to prosper and be continuous.
God- So as many people know, my freshman year of high school I was really into God. I had a fantastic relationship with Him. After freshman year, I began to completely drift away from God and His ways. My state of mind changed, my daily routine changed, what I listened to from around the world changed. My state of mind drastically changed on a lot of aspects in life. Not many of you who are reading this know, but in my mind, I feel as if I have been "church damaged." There was an incident that totally altered my mind about people within the chruch that I went to with my parents since I moved to Texas from Chicago. The people that I felt were the closest to me betrayed me. They made up stories about a certain incident, and even try to put the blame entirely on me. Naturally, the parents of those would believe their own children. These parents were good friends with my parents. These were the people who always told me, "Rudy if you ever need anything we are here for you" "Rudy if you need to talk let us know, we have all the time in the world" "Rudy you are an awesome young man of God" After this incident these were the people who made me feel not welcome anymore. Things were talked about, 90% of it not being true that those people may still believe is true which is sad, because they are supposed to be the loving people of God. This is what made me completely angry. The people who made it seem like I would always be safe when being at church or being around their families, the ones who told me "Rudy if you ever need anything we are here for you, we love you" were the same ones who condemned me. These were the same ones who started to get second thoughts of who I "really" was, and I am thinking to my self, shouldn't I be the one getting the second thoughts of them. Aren't they the ones who acted even more fake than they already were after the incident. They were the ones trying to keep my head straight for God other than my parents. Because of that, I havn't felt the presence of God in that church ever since I have gone there again. I left that church from under my parents, and began searching for another. Prior to this there were several other incidents, but by this time I surrender and allow them to be satisfied with their own selves. So this time it wasn't my first time searching for another church. I finally found one that I enjoyed going to, and I felt God's presence every time I was there. I made some pretty good friends there, and I can stay that I still hold on to those friendships with out a doubt. Even though I stopped going that church because lately I have strayed away from God, I still keep those relationships with the friends that I made there. The reason I stopped going to church there was because I simply just got burnt out with how I lived my life for God. I was burnt out from trying to find that one place that I could honestly feel that some people there notice me, and some people relate to me. A lot of what keeps our eyes gazed towards God, is the relationships we have that help us stay in that gaze towards Him. Without those relationships, there is no church, because a church is just a building. I recently went back to a church that is close to where I usually am at- near Richardson. I liked it a lot, but I havn't got to know the people well yet, because I have only gone once. The main reason I am explaining this is because I feel that the background of my relationship status with God includes all of the above on this topic. So basically, college started and I strayed away from God more than ever before. I was completely into partying and not caring about anything but that. I was drunk 90% of the time in the last ten months. I gained a lot of weight because of all of the drinking that I have been doing, and obviously sometimes when you're drunk you like to eat late at night and that I did. Two weeks ago I started feeling some complications with my chest. It felt as if someone was squeezing the hell out of my heart, and I definitly knew that something was wrong with me. Well the doctor in the hospital said it was some virus. He gave me medicine for it, and I guess the virus is away. I also went to my own personal doctor and got blood work done. I was fine. Since the time I went to the ER I stopped drinking, and like I said above I have felt so much better. Over the last week I have also tried my hardest to seek God out again. I did anything. I talked with God, I listened to praise and worship music, I prayed every night which was something that I hadn't done in a while. To my amazement, God was listening to me. Fantastic! So many things have come my way over the last week. My heart has been feeling fine, I feel so much more out going about life, my mind has been more open to others thoughts than just my own though I still struggle with this, I got a huge promotion at work in which I thought I woudn't get for a while. A friend of mine and I had a conversation the other night and it was brilliant. Me and him are on the same page about huge "mega churches" or even going to church in general. You don't need 8,000 people to have a church. Without true, real, down to earth, honest people who you can fellowship with and be completely honest with, there is NO CHURCH. The people make up the church, and God instills into each person the ability to fellowship with one another be there for each other to allow them to continue pressing on forward towards God. This can be any where. I can have church in my room, in my car, in a field, or at work. It does not matter if one goes to church; it is simply the relationships that you have with one another to aspire one another to continue having a strong relationship with God. I couldn't be more clear than that, and this is my story on church, and my development with the relationship I yearn for with God. As my friend mentioned last night about what Jesus said, "this is my command; love each other" John 15:17. My friend said that God truly desires for his followers to love one another and not have their focus on the entire world; God wants us to love who we know- our enemies, friends, family, the single mothers that we know, the broken people that we know that are around us daily. We must focus on them before/rather the entire world. ------"Jesus said love one another, not the entire world" -Mother Teresa
I have friends now that don't live their lives for God as I did when I was a freshman. I don't believe that is is necesarry for everyone to have a relationship with God the way I did when I was a freshman in high school. Everyone has their own way of loving God, the way I do it is my own personal way, just as everyone else. I know there is a God, I know what can come about in my life for seeking God out. Not everyone may agree; I am sure I have friends who will read this and not agree with a lot of what I say, but that is their own opinion. I don't dog on any one elses personal beliefs about anything in life, and I think that is the way it should be with any one. Having a relationship with God is just something that I haven't had in the last couple of years, recently especially.
A lot of people in life need some kind of relaxation. Some where to get away for just a minute. Over Spring Break I went to Puerto Rico. Although I was drunk every night it was good to just be away. When I got back I felt so relaxed and just refreshed, but I still needed something more than just a trip to get drunk on. I needed something to let my mind just go free for a semi long period of time. I recently went on a road trip with a great friend of mine to Kansas. You are probably asking your self, Kansas? Why the hell would someone want to go there. When my friend told me she was driving to Kansas for a day I said awesome I'm in. So I went. The night before we had a brillaint conversation, and I enjoyed it. My time spent with her on the road was also brilliant. Just being able to keep driving and driving relaxes me. Being in her ultra tiny small town of only 700 people, it was soothing to me. I have never been in a town of just that many people. I am from the big city-Chicago. Why in God's world what I go there- well because I knew it would relax me and chill me out, because I know that I needed it. As I was riding around in the car with my friend I just looked around at everything. I was amazed at the calm life style every one had in this area. Traffic consisted of 4 cars at a stop light. Very young kids could just sit at the corner and play games with one another and while the 18 wheeler passes by they signal for the truck driver to honk. Just the innocence of these kids amazed me. I suddenly realized that I yearn to have the heart of a child again. I have been so caught up with the technicalities of life, that I have lost any sense to just feel free to enjoy life, rather than always worry about something going wrong or worry what people will think of every single one of my actions, because like I said above, what does it matter when we all die what others think. After a quick stop to just enjoy the breezy sunny fields in the middle of no where, I felt completely refreshed, and I won't forget those kids that are able to feel naturally safe playing games at the corner with other friends.
Re-evaluating life has never felt more refreshing as it has been over the course of this last week.
These have been my thoughts over the last week and if you would, let me know what you think.
Feedback is always accepted :D
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
